Marriage, like any other relationship, is never perfect. Even the best marriages tumble.
Most experts agree that the keys to a successful and loving marriage are hard work, commitment, and constant re-evaluation of our expectations, in addition to how we communicate.
Sounds easy enough, but in reality, it’s easier to say than do.
I spoke to a few marriage therapists and Muslim counselors and asked them what they noticed to be the most common issues that couples face.
Of course, there were more complex problems like infidelity and drugs, but the other top issues might be surprising.
1. I Love You…Now Change
This seems to be one of the biggest issues most couples face.
Spouses so often try to change the other to a version that they would love more.
The very qualities that were cute in the beginning turn into something that causes much resentment and contempt.
If you marry a slob, he will not automatically change into a neat and orderly person because you want him to.
The only person you can change is you. The best you can do is change your response.
2.Talking vs Communicating
The most common misconception threatening marriage is that couples mistakenly believe that talking means communicating, that is, whenever they engage in talking, they believe they are communicating.
Voicing our complaints, criticism, and emotional blackmail are not tools of communication.
Learn to express your feelings with assertiveness and not from a point of complaint and criticism.
This will help protect your marriage at a later stage.
Effective communication means listening and being willing to see the world through the eyes of our partners, and not only our own.
If we listened as well as we spoke, real connection would take care of itself.
3. Time Management
A Modern lifestyle equals a stressful lifestyle. Time is of the essence, and many couples do not manage their time efficiently.
Couples are pulled in all directions on a day-to-day basis, except towards each other.
Quality time, even if it is just five minutes a day, is an essential requirement of marriage.
Couples need to regularly re-evaluate their relationship in a gentle and honest manner, if only to know whether they are on the same page or not.
4. Intimacy
Nadirah Angail, author and therapist, believes that lack of intimacy is a major issue in Muslim marriages.
“Sex is only a small part of intimacy’’, she says. It is more about being fully engaged as a couple. Staying connected on every level.
Spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Most couples constantly face an uphill battle to keep the spark alive.
Intimacy is not a goal that a couple should seek but rather a journey, that lasts throughout marriage.
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