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I Want to Marry This Guy, but My Parents Don’t Take Him Serious

Questioner

J

Reply Date

Oct 04, 2018

Question

Salam. I like a guy. A few days ago, he came with his father to my dad to ask for my hand. But my parents take it as a joke. I've been crying all night for the past few days. They've hurt me deeply. The proposal is decent alhamdullilah; the guy is a hafiz al-Quran. I just want to die; I have no one to turn to. I pray, but I am still so broken. Please tell me what to do. I don't want to leave him at any cost. Please help me.

Counselor

Answer


I Want to Marry This Guy, but My Parents Don’t Take Him Serious

In this counseling answer:

“My advice to you would be to have a serious and deep discussion with your parents about this issue. Ask them to listen to you and give you your time to talk about all your thoughts and feelings about this man and getting married to him as well as your feelings of hurt. Ask them to discuss with you their points of view and why they have not been taking this issue seriously.”


As-Salamu `Alaikum dear sister,

Thank you for putting your trust in AboutIslam. We pray to Allah we will be able to help you and give you suitable guidance and advice.

As I understand from your words, you feel deeply hurt, broken, and suicidal as you are going through a difficult time and struggling with intense negative emotions. You feel that you are alone and don’t have anyone to turn to.

Those feelings you have now are very natural when a daughter feels that her parents, who should be the most supportive and should understand her feelings the most, don’t respect her emotions and take them as a joke. You have all the right to express your emotions and your needs and to stand up for them when anyone (including your parents) does not respect them.

However, as much as it is important to be assertive and strong in expressing your thoughts and emotions, it is also very important that you choose a wise and decent way of doing this.

We also have to put in mind that parents’ love and care could never be compared to anyone on earth. Of course, they are still humans who make mistakes and could handle things unwisely at times. But in all cases, their opinion should be put into consideration and given due attention and understanding.

So, my advice to you would be to have a serious and deep discussion with your parents about this issue. Ask them to listen to you and give you your time to talk about all your thoughts and feelings about this man and getting married to him as well as your feelings of hurt. Ask them to discuss with you their points of view and why they have not been taking this issue seriously.

To get the most out of this discussion, it is necessary to be wise in choosing the right timing when all three of you are in a good mood and not busy with other things. Ask them to free themselves for an hour because you want the three of you to sit and talk together. It is also necessary to be calm and talk in a decent manner so that you can clearly convey what you want to say.

Most important of all is to seek Allah’s support and guidance in this situation and to make things easy for you. Don’t forget to make istikharah about this marriage proposal so that if it is good for you, Allah will make it easy, and if it is not good for you, Allah will keep it away and give you what is better for you instead.

Repeat the words of dhikr (remembrance of Allah) and istighfar (asking Allah for forgiveness) to calm your heart and ease your pain.

Please feel free to write us back if you need further assistance.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Layla Al Qaraqsi

Layla Al Qaraqsi has worked with islamonline.net since 2008. She has been the editor of the counseling section till May, 2013; then a counselor and writer since March, 2015. She has also worked in early childhood psychosocial development;and managed a support group in Egypt. Layla has been studying psychology and counseling since 2011 in the Islamic Online University (IOU) of Dr. Bilal Philips, University of North Dakota, and in several specialized psychological institutions in Egypt including Tawasol Center, one of the offline projects of Islamonline.net. Her studies also included group psychotherapy, psychodrama techniques, mindfulness.  You can contact her via: [email protected]

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