Her Father Rejected My Marriage Proposal; Now What? | About Islam
Home > Youth Q & A > Want to Get Married > Her Father Rejected My Marriage Proposal; Now What?

Her Father Rejected My Marriage Proposal; Now What?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 07, 2019

Question

I met a woman and want to marry her, but her father refuses this marriage. I went to knock on their door. I requested her father to come to me. I said salaam to her father. But her father rejected my marriage proposal.

I am so sad that fathers have been continuously rejecting me. Why? I pray tahajjud but my duas are not answered.

Counselor

Answer


Her Father Rejected My Marriage Proposal; Now What?

In this counseling answer:

• I will kindly suggest brother that insha’Allah you make istakharah prayer regarding this proposed marriage. If still, you see no signs from Allah to continue, I kindly suggest that you forget about trying to marry this woman.

• While it’s nice to have parents blessings and permission, is not necessary as long as the intended spouse has met the Islamic criteria.

• Engage in social activities with your friends, take up a hobby, go to the Masjid for prayer and other events in the Islamic community.


As Salaam Alaykum brother,

Thank you for writing to us. I am so sorry to hear that you were rejected in your request for marrying the woman of your choice. I can imagine that it was very hurtful.

Fruitless Attempts & Allah’s Will

As a steadfast Muslim, you did what you needed to do, which was to make duaa to Allah for a change of heart concerning her father. Brother, I don’t know why you were refused or what kind of conversation transpired between you and her father. Perhaps her father has a rigid criterion for a potential husband for his daughter. This happens often sadly. You have made a few attempts and approaches to her father, with no success.  You have made duaa to Allah with still no positive results regarding the marriage.

I will kindly suggest brother that insha’Allah you make istakharah prayer regarding this proposed marriage. If still, you see no signs from Allah to continue, I kindly suggest that you forget about trying to marry this woman. While you may have strong feelings about wanting to marry her, it seems that door to a future with her has been shut many times.

Her Father Rejected My Marriage Proposal; Now What? - About Islam

Perhaps it is best and perhaps it is Allah swt who is protecting you from current or future harm should you marry her. We never know. We can be sure, however, that if a door keeps closing and we can’t open it, then it usually is not meant for us.

Possibly the situation would be different if you knew the girl and both of you had common interests and got to know each other in a halal way. Perhaps if Allah answered your duaa by some sign or response from her side.  In that case, I would advise you both to marry insha’Allah regardless of her father’s refusal because a parent cannot refuse for their child to get married. Marriage is a decision of the individual who is getting married. While it’s nice to have parents blessings and permission, is not necessary as long as the intended spouse has met the Islamic criteria.

Moving On

I kindly urge you brother to move on insha’Allah. Please do not take the rejection personally. Insha’Allah you will meet a nice girl who catches your eye, who you would like to marry. When this happens please do consider getting to know her and her family in a Halal way. This way you can get a feel for what the family is like. In the meantime, please do good and enjoyable things for yourself.


Check out this counseling video:


Engage in social activities with your friends, take up a hobby, go to the Masjid for prayer and other events in the Islamic community. By engaging in life outside of your desires for marriage to this girl, you will decrease your chances of becoming depressed over it.

When the right opportunity presents itself, there is nothing that can keep us from it as Allah has ordained all. If there is something that is not for us, no matter how hard we try brother, it will not be attainable.  Please trust in Allah that He has something better for you in your future.

We wish you the best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Rejected a Proposal, But Now I Regret It

I Rejected His Proposal Because of My Studies

I’m Ugly; I’ve Never Received a Marriage Proposal




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

Add Comment


find out more!