Should I Get Involved and Tell Her Brother or Keep Quiet?

20 October, 2020
Q Asalamualikum,

There is a girl who is a distant relative to me. Yesterday I saw her doing something that she shouldn't do.

I saw her talking to a boy, probably her boyfriend. Will there be any sin on me if I tell her brother about the incident?

Answer


In this counseling Session:

  • It is of utmost importance to get scholarly advice on the matter to be sure that you are acting in accordance with Islam and won’t do anything out of place. 
  • Given the very sensitive nature of the event and the significant consequences that could arise from it, it is important that you take time to consider how to approach her brother if this is the path you need to take. Or otherwise make a plan for how you keep it to yourself.
  • Also prepare for the backlash either for reporting her or holding onto a secret.
  • If it is deemed that in fact you have no business intervening then you must make sure to take a step back and not get involved in the situation. 

Assalamalikum, 

This would be a matter that you best ask a scholar about to ensure you are getting the correct advice. This is because the consequences could be quite dire either way. Certainly, a case could be made either way on the surface.

Either that you have an obligation to report wrongdoing for her own safety. But at the same time, that it is not your business to get involved in. This is why it is of utmost importance to get scholarly advice on the matter. To be sure that you are acting in accordance with Islam and won’t do anything out of place. 

Should I Get Involved and Tell Her Brother or Keep Quiet? - About Islam

Obligation

If it is that you are obliged to tell someone about it for her own safety and well being in the eyes of Allah then to not speak out you may be looking for trouble when facing Allah for not doing the right thing. 

On the other hand, if it is that it is actually not for you to say anything about it, then to speak out unnecessarily will not only get the girl into trouble and possibly you as a result, but will also not be looked upon favourably by Allah. 

Handle the situation

Whatever the result is following consultation with someone of knowledge you also need to consider how you handle the situation moving forward. Certainly, getting the advice will tell you exactly what you should do which is the best guidance. And will give you confidence in your actions, but whichever way it is to go, it will be difficult. Whether it is to report her, or to keep it concealed. 


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Sensitive

Given the very sensitive nature of the event and the significant consequences that could arise from it. It is important that you take time to consider how to approach her brother. If this is the path you need to take. Or otherwise make a plan for how you keep it to yourself. Also prepare for the backlash either for reporting her or holding onto a secret.

Whatever the consequence, there will be some level of pain involved. Whether it to be to her and her family, or to you as a result of sharing. Or solely to you having the knowledge of something like this, but being unable to share.

Whichever path you must take, the best way to deal with it psychologically is to remember that you are doing what you are doing for the sake of Allah. And are doing it to please Him alone. This will give you the strength to do something difficult. As well as keeping the purpose of your actions in mind. 

Approaching

If it is that you will need to approach her brother or other family member, do so in a sensitive manner. keep in mind how devastating it could be to them. In doing such, the first thing is to be absolutely sure and confident that the male you saw her talking to is definitely someone who is haram for her. If you make a mistake here, you could land yourself in trouble for making false assumptions and causing discord in their family.

If you can confirm that this is not the case and he is in fact a boyfriend or so, then when approaching her brother or family member, make sure he is in a calm state of mind. And alone in order to minimize the impact and make it easier for you to tell him and for him to receive the message. 

If it is deemed that in fact you have no business intervening then you must make sure to take a step back. And not get involved in the situation. When you see anything suspicious again, just walk away. Save yourself from the frustration of seeing something that you can’t talk about.

Also if possible and if you know the right people, you could always ask someone that you are permitted to, to subtly discourage her away from such interactions in the future. 

May Allah reward you for keeping an eye out for your fellow brothers and sisters and for seeking guidance on what to do before actually acting on instinct. May He guide you to what is best and most pleasing to Him. 

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)