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Should I Educate My Future Daughter?

20 June, 2022
Q Should I educate my future daughter?

How will she handle her home and career?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Brother, I’d encourage you to seek further knowledge on females in Islam and their contributions

Islam tells us that seeking knowledge is something we must all do. 

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Allow your children to choose their own career paths

Remember that each family finds their own dynamic to balance the home and all that entails

When deciding on schooling, ensure your child has social interaction whether public or homeschooled

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How to balance life


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatuulahi wa barakatu Brother.

Thank you for taking the time to write in and trust us with your concerns.

It is my understanding you are working towards being a Doctor, mashallah this is noble profession.

I understand that you want a family one day inshallah and are worried about, if you should educate your inshallah, future daughter.

Or would it be a waste of time as it is hard to balance career and home. 

Should I Educate My Future Daughter? - About Islam

Brother, I want to firstly thank you for asking about this as it shows you are eager to gain knowledge and make the best decision for your future family inshallah.

Please be aware Islam does not say a woman is not allowed to seek an education, work or do any of these things.

Islam tells us that seeking knowledge is something we must all do. 

You may recall that the first wife of the Prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him) was a woman who owned her own business and was educated.

Many women during the time of the sahaba worked or were educated.

We can look to Aishah who is well known as one of the most prominent scholars of her time.

A woman the sahaba sought out for knowledge and religious clarifications.  

“Narrated Abu Musa: Never was a Hadith unclear to us – the Companions of the Messenger of Allah –

and we asked ‘Aishah, except that we found some knowledge concerning it with her.”

[Sunan At-Tirmidhi]

Hafsa bint Sireen is another woman who studied under the sahaba and went on to be a prominent legal scholar.

Al-Shift bint Abdullah was a woman who taught a wife of Prophet Mohamed (saws) how to read and write.

She was later appointed to manage the market, which also meant managing the males who were selling wares.

The point my Brother, is that it is an incorrect statement to say that women during the first 3 generations did not work or seek an education.

Additionally, both males and females have contributed to inventions throughout history and currently.

This concept that women shouldn’t be educated, or work is cultural, not Islamic. 

Seek Knowledge

As all Muslims are supposed to seek knowledge and should provide that for their children.

It will benefit you to read more on this topic. 

I encourage you to read up on some of the names I mentioned and spend time seeking greater knowledge on the contributions of women in Islam.

Check out this counseling video:



Your Daughter’s Choice

Brother, you asked if you should make your future daughter inshallah a doctor or engineer.

I would say you shouldn’t make her anything. Your children will be happiest and most passionate about their career if they choose their own path.

Our job as parents is to support that growth, not to dictate what job they can perform. 

Your children may see you as an inspiration and want to follow in your noble path, inshallah.

This would be a blessing, but it shouldn’t be a requirement for them.

Just as if you have a son, he should not be forced to become a doctor or engineer, rather he should make his own choice.

People that go after careers they feel passionate about tend to perform better in it. Which in the end can mean higher pay. 

Balancing Act

You bring up a very good point Brother, the balancing act of home and work.

We know from the example of the Prophet Mohamed (saws) that the husband should help the wife with cleaning and house chores and of course he is also a parent.

The idea some marriages hold that the man comes home and sits down while the wife does everything is cultural. 

It is sunnah to help clean, sunnah to help mend items, sunnah to be a team in the home.

Regardless if she works or not, the husband should help in the home. 

Every family finds their own dynamic to balance home life with children and work.

It is very expensive to support a home on one income; many families have an income form the husband and wife.

If you were to have a daughter one day and she got married, she would work out this dynamic with her husband.

It is not the parent’s role to tell their child how to run their home once they move out.

It is the parent’s role to prepare their children to handle whatever life will throw at them. 

I want you to ask yourself something Brother. Is a Father any less of a Father because he works?

Of course not, he is honored for it. Same for a Mother, she can raise children and work. 

When you get married inshallah you will learn and witness how this balancing act is performed in the home and what works best for you and your wife.

This will help you better understand these concepts as it will apply to your future children inshallah. 

Schooling

You asked about homeschooling or public school. It is a parental decision which type of school you want to send your child to.

However, public schooling provides more social interactions which is beneficial psychologically for the child.

If you choose to home school, I encourage you to keep your child involved in local extracurricular in order to stimulate that social growth.

It is not healthy for children or adults to be isolated in the home away from society. 

 Final Thoughts

Moving forward Brother, here is a summary of my counseling recommendations. 


Seek further knowledge on females in Islam and their contributions

Allow your children to choose their own career paths

Remember that each family finds their own dynamic to balance the home and all that entails

When deciding on schooling, ensure your child has social interaction whether public or home schooled

It is always good to see a Brother planning for a family and being concerned over how to do this properly.

May Allah (swt) grant you a happy and healthy family one day, ameen. 

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read More:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/does-islam-oppress-women-and-reject-education/

https://aboutislam.net/family-life/moms-dads/girls-needs-holistic-muslimah-health-guide/

https://aboutislam.net/muslim-issues/europe/muslim-women-outperform-men-academically/

About Monique Hassan
Monique Hassan graduated with honors in 2012 with her BSc in Psychology and a minor in Biology and is certified in Crisis Prevention and Intervention. She has years of professional as well as personal experience with trauma, relationship struggles, substance abuse, identifying coping skills, conflict resolution, community outreach, and overall mental health concerns. She is a professional writer specialized in Islamic Psychology and Behavioral Health. She is also a revert who took her shahada in 2015, Alhamdulillah. You can contact Sister Monique Hassan via her website "MoniqueHassan.com"