Shall I Marry My Jealous Fiance?

01 September, 2020
Q Assalamu Aleikom. My fiancé is from Egypt, and I live in the west. He wants to come to my country.

Even though I have been telling him that he needs to go to the embassy himself, he wanted me to do all the research and applications for him.

He is also extremely jealous. He has repeatedly told me that he is jealous even if I am approached by a guy randomly without provoking it.

Today, I told him that I have had about 40 or 50 guys messaging me since I met him, and he got really mad.

He told me never to talk to men again, even if they message me asking for marriage. I pointed out to him that this is how we also met.

I don’t want to ignore them. He then told me to just ignore them, and talked as if he was my parent rather than my partner.

He has said possibly sexist things before like women have a duty in the kitchen. Should I break up with him?

Answer


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His parents and your parents should know what’s going on between the two of you.

If you are serious about him, you need to stop talking to other boys.

Find out what he is like as a person, his likes and dislikes, what he expects of marriage, and what he expects from a wife.

You may want to make a list of your own expectations. Ensure that you both are on the same page, and that it is indeed a marriage for the sake of Allah.

Be aware; there are guys who marry for visa. Make sure he wants to marry you for yourself, not the visa.


As salamu Alaykum,

From what I understand, you met somebody from Egypt and you live in Canada. He is currently your fiancé. You did not say for how long you have known him. You say that he’s extremely jealous and possibly sexist.

Considering a Proposal

Sister, without knowing the situation on a deeper level, it is hard to determine if this would be a successful marriage for you. However, I will ask you to think about the following questions.

For how long have you known him? Have your parents spoke to his parents? Are you and him compatible on multiple levels? Are you both keeping the conversation halal? It is recommended that if you talk to him someone else should also be present.

If he has not been introduced to your parents yet, that should be done immediately as you do plan on marrying him. His parents and your parents should know what’s going on between the two of you.

Jealousy

Sister, him being jealous may or may not be a problem. It is hard to tell because you are also telling him that you have 40 to 50 guys messaging you. That fact may make him jealous, yes.

I’m wondering why you told him this in the first place. I’m also wondering why, if he’s your fiancé, you are still talking to other boys.

Sister, if you are serious about him, you need to stop talking to other boys. If you feel the need to still talk to others, then he is not the one. Insha’Allah, approach your parents with the proposal and let them get involved in the process.

Shall I Marry My Jealous Fiance? - About Islam

Identifying Compatibility

I also kindly suggest insha’Allah that you speak with him while having someone else present to get to know him on a deeper level. Discuss other topics than just back and forth jealousy talk. Find out what he is like as a person, his likes and dislikes, what he expects of marriage, and what he expects from a wife.

Other important areas of discussion are the following. What are his plans once he gets to Canada? How will he support himself and you as his wife? What skills does he have that will enable him to provide for you?

You may want to make a list of your own expectations. Ensure that you both are on the same page, and that it is indeed a marriage for the sake of Allah.

Immigration

Doing all the paperwork and research for his application to Canada is basically his responsibility. At this point, it does not seem like the relationship has been validated enough for him to even begin that.


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You need your parents and his parents to discuss this proposal and guide you both.

Also be cautious, Sister. Ensure that he wants to marry you because he truly feels that you would be a righteous pious wife, and he is interested in building a marriage based on kindness, love, and mercy.

Men are often quick to marry women in other countries so that they can go there and have better opportunities rather than for the sake of marriage. The foundation of any marriage should be based on Islamic principles not ulterior motives.

Sometimes, it’s really not about the marriage or the woman per se but about getting a Visa for immigration. This is not the case in all situations of course, but it is something to be aware of.

Conclusion

Please do discuss the situation with your parents. Cut off all conversations with other males. Tell your fiancé that you will be talking to your parents about this and that he needs to speak with his as well.

Please do give the situation some serious consideration before making any decisions about marrying him.

We wish you the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.