Shall I Continue My Friendship with a Guy?

23 September, 2020
Q I have a friend whom I like very much. Whenever I send him messages, he does not reply right away. He replies after two or more than two days.

Although he is struggling with studies, it does not convince me that he does not get a minute to reply me. Please tell me, do I need to continue this friendship?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

As I’m sure you are aware, a friendship between a male and female outside of marriage is not permissible.

Like you said, he is struggling with his studies. In this case, he may be too busy and distracted to even have the time to respond quickly.

Maybe he fears Allah in being in such close contact with you.

If you do wish to take this friendship a step further, be sure to do so in the correct way and meet him in the presence of others, ideally your close family, so that you are not alone together.


Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatu,

In this situation, there could be any number of reasons why he takes such a long time to reply. Perhaps, he doesn’t want to be friends with you.

Firstly, like you said, he is struggling with his studies. In this case, he may be too busy and distracted to even have the time to respond quickly. Furthermore, may he just feel that texting back and forth is a distraction for him at this stressful time and would prefer you back off a bit for now whilst he is studying.

Shall I Continue My Friendship with a Guy? - About Islam

Reason

Another respectable reason for his delayed response could be that he fears Allah in being in such close contact with you.

As I’m sure you are aware, a friendship between a male and female outside of marriage is not permissible. As a result, he is perhaps reluctant to have too frequent contact with you in case it leads to the development of strong feelings that may eventually cause to start getting even closer in a way that is even more disliked by Allah.

By delaying his responses, he is decreasing the chances of such a relationship developing, either by pushing you away or just slowing things down. This is beneficial to both of you.

If this is the reason, then he is doing it for your own good.


Check out this counseling video:


It’s just the same

You may say that it’s only texts and you’re not alone together, but taking via text can be as dangerous as being alone together in person, and can lead to the same consequences. Some may say it’s even worse because nobody can see the contact between the of you.

Besides, these are only speculations on his behavior. It may be something entirely different, but you would not know without asking him. However, I wouldn’t advise doing this without the presence of your mahram.

Conclusion

Whatever the explanation, whether he’s trying to push you away, or whether he’s just too busy, it seems the potential explanations are nothing to be upset about. In fact, either way, they are to be thankful for because it prevents you from ending up in a situation that will be even more displeasing to Allah.

If you do wish to take this friendship a step further, be sure to do so in the correct way and meet him in the presence of others, ideally your close family, so that you are not alone together.

May Allah bless you and guide you on the straight path.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)