I Want to Marry Him: Can We Chat to Stay in Touch?

01 July, 2019
Q I'm 19 years old and in love with a boy... No meetings... No dates... No late night calls... Both of us have never touched each other and we are not even intending to do so... Sir we want to marry each other at the appropriate time with the will of our parents and family... All we do is to chat with each other just to keep in touch... We have no wrong intentions for each other. I want to know is it still haram or wrong?? Should we end up?? Please guide me.

Answer

Short Answer:  Prophet Muhammad said “No person (man) should be alone with a woman, except when there is a Mahram with her.” This also applies to private virtual meetings. If you both desire to get married, then please go through the proper process for marriage.

_____________________________________

Assalamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.

Sister, I am happy to note that you have been conscious of Allah in maintaining the limits of interaction in your dealings with this boy.

Nevertheless, it is not allowed for a Muslim boy and girl who have crossed the age of puberty to even talk to each other without necessity.

This rule also applies to talking or communicating through written correspondence, such as text messages or emails, without necessity.

Beware of Satan

In Islam, any communication and social interaction between two members of the opposite gender who are non-mahram for each other, when it is required for valid purposes such as education, business, law enforcement, or other necessities, should be free from any friendliness, frankness and flirtation.

Even use of emoji should be limited when texting.

The evidence for this lies in the hadith:

“No person (man) should be alone with a woman, except when there is a Mahram with her.” [Sahih Muslim]

Being alone implies the existence of complete exclusivity or privacy, whether in person or in correspondence.

Since chatting in private windows through texting on phone, or by using a software or app for this purpose, is also a private virtual “meeting” of sorts, it would still not be allowed for a male or female to engage in it, since Shaitan (the devil) would be the third one present.

This presence of Shaitan eventually leads to compromising of boundaries and crossing of limits.

As we all know, now there are innumerable means available that facilitate such chatting between the genders, thanks to the combination of latest technologies and the Internet.

Sister, it is good that you have stayed away from dating, in-person meeting, and phone-calling with this guy, but even texting him in your case, since you have romantic feelings for him, would be impermissible.

There is a very high chance that you end up exceeding limits.

Singles in your position, eventually end up meeting the object of their attraction for dates.

Marriage Process

If you both desire to get married to each other, then please go through the proper process for marriage by initiating a marriage proposal.

(i) First, you both should repent for any sins that you may have committed in your social interactions with each other.

This repentance is very important, because it cleans your book of deeds from sins, and purifies a Muslim’s intentions for marriage.

A marriage that is initiated as a result of a romantic relationship, which the couple in question does not repent for first, lack long-term blessings, peace, mutual love, tranquility, and growth.

So be very careful about this.

(ii) Secondly, you both should start to perform a sincere istikharah prayer about your marriage.

If this guy reciprocates your feelings, then both of you have to perform this prayer in order to pray for an optimum outcome.

(iii) You should then inform your parents about your desire to marry this person, and see what they say/decide.

You have to have the approval of your legal guardian for this marriage.

(iv) If your parents eventually agree, they can visit the guy’s parents and initiate a marriage proposal negotiation process.

Importance of Isitkharah

If they disagree, then you can perform Salatul Isitkharah again, then accept the final outcome as Allah’s decree, and try to move on from this person.

It is painful, yes, but doable. The pain will make you stronger, insha’Allah.

Sister, you are still very young, and there can be someone better out there for you, whom Allah knows about right now, but you do not.

Perhaps Allah knows that you will have a much happier and more righteous married life with this other person, your future husband, than with this person for whom you have feelings right now.

I advise you to study the deep meanings and blessings that the istikharah prayer carries, and then perform it with full conviction that Allah will decree what is best for you.

Afterwards, please submit to the will of Allah and accept what He decides for you with a pure & humble heart.

And Allah knows best. I pray that Allah grants you a righteous husband, and a happy married life very soon. Amen.

I hope that this answers your question.

Salam. Please stay in touch.

(From Ask About Islam archives)

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

Making Friends Through Online Chatting?

Top 10 Secrets For a Happy Marriage (Folder)

Internet Chats between Males and Females: Permissible?