Lost My Virginity before Marriage; Will Allah Forgive Me?

19 January, 2017
Q Asalamualaykum. I'd be happy to be advised on my situation. I was in a relationship with a guy who promised he'd marry me, so we committed zina. I know it’s bad and I felt guilty all the time, especially when I had to pray. I've not lived the life of a pious muslimah even though I pray and read my Qur'an, and I feel like this isn't the best way. Outside, I look all cheerful and happy, but inside I feel lost. I made my grievances known to him recently, because he doesn't treat me like a man should treat a lady. He talks to me badly and says all sort of things. He's always bossy. What hurts the most is when I tell him we have to turn back to Allah and he tells me what I'm doing is hypocrisy and I make him feel like a devil. I've distant myself from him to get back on track with Allah, but I don't feel happy inside. I've been asking Allah to forgive me for the life I've lived since I've lost my virginity before marriage. When I pray I don't feel like my prayers are being accepted. Now, I want to live my life piously so I've given up all this relationship thing because I know Allah has the best of plans for me. All the same, I feel like Allah is angry at me, and He hasn't forgiven me yet. I'm not going to give up because I know Allah's place is the best place to be. Thanks for your advice in advance and may Allah reward all of you abundantly. May He protect in this dunya and may He grant us jannah. Salaam.



As Salaam ‘Aleikom sister,

Thank your writing to us. I am happy that you have realized that what you did with that guy was a huge sin, and that you have cut all ties with him.

Zina (fornication, adultery) is a serious crime and a major sin which takes away the quality of faith from a person and exposes him to punishment and humiliation unless he repents. Allah (swt) says,

And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.(17:32)

We are all human and we all commit sin and do wrong, but Allah (swt) is always willing to forgive and always gives a chance to repent and seek His forgiveness. The most important thing is that you are sincere in your repentance and stay away from the sin,

“And seek forgiveness of Allah. Indeed Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (Quran 73:20)

You did the right thing by letting go of this guy as he was trying to mislead you even more and made you feel worse about yourself. Do not get back in contact with him or any other non-mahrams again as it will only make you more confused. Keep performing your five daily prayers and keep your faith strong, and I am sure you will find peace of mind, In sha’Allah.

I know you might feel like you have lost connection with Allah (swt) at the moment, but you will feel better when you put more effort into getting closer to Allah (swt). We need to struggle to achieve great things. The harder the struggle, the better the outcome becomes.

So, getting close to Allah (swt) takes time. We cannot expect everything to magically fall into place by doing a righteous deed. You need to depend on Allah (swt) and trust that what His plans for you are the best you can have, for this life and the hereafter.

Here are some tips to achieve closeness to Allah (swt):

Make du’aa’ (Supplication)

We often forget that we need Allah’s (swt) help and strength to guide us. When we get too caught up with this life, we often think we can do it on our own without His help. But we have to know that nothing changes without the power of Allah (swt). We need to ask Him for His help, even if it is to get closer to Him or become better at worshiping Him. We need to seek refuge in Allah (swt) in everything. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.(2:186)

Stay away from poisons

You need to get any poisons out of your life. Poison has many forms. Fix your heart by staying away from anything that Allah (swt) doesn’t’t love. If you are around friends that make you sin and make you disappoint Allah (swt), then you need to get them out of your life.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said:

“The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.” (Bukhari)

Get to know Allah (swt) through His Names

How can you love Allah (swt) and want to get closer to Him (swt) if you don’t know Him (swt) well? We fall in love with people as we get to know them more and realize that they have a lot of beautiful qualities and characteristics. Of course, Allah (swt) is above any analogy, but you need know Him (swt) more in order to increase your faith and feel closer to Him (swt).

Dhikr (Remembrance of Allah)

Remembering Allah (swt) is essential in achieving closeness to Him (swt). You can remember Him by engaging in dhikr. Say Astaghfirullah a lot to erase your sins, and say Alhamdulillah so that Allah (swt) will give you more. Surround yourself with people who remind you of Allah (swt). The more you remember Allah (swt), the more He (swt) will remember you.

Follow the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saw)

By following the Sunnah of our Prophet (saw), we will gain the love of Allah (swt). Following the sunnah of the Prophet (saw) makes you a better person. You will have better manners and ethics. Read more about the Prophet (saw); after all, he (saw) was a mercy to all mankind. Allah (swt) says so in the Qu’ran:

„Say, [O Muhammad], ’If you should love Allah, then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (3:31)

Stay connected to the Qur’an

Reading and memorizing the Qur’an is not enough. Understand it and act upon it.

Be productive

Be productive, seek knowledge and take action. The more you will want to learn about the sunnah and the Qur’an and want to get closer to Allah (swt), the closer you will become to reaching the level of ihsan (perfection, excellence). When you reach that level, you will feel Allah’s (swt) love, and you will be satisfied with everything He (swt) gives you.

You should never think that Allah (swt) will not forgive you. Repent with sincerity and remember that Allah (swt) loves His servants, and He (swt) will accept your repentance.

But indeed, I am the Perpetual Forgiver of whoever repents and believes and does righteousness and then continues in guidance.(20:82)

No matter what sins you have committed, there is always a way to repent and start afresh. Always have faith in Allah (swt), fear His wrath and love Him (swt) for His mercy. Surround yourself with as much support and motivation as you possibly can and keep your intentions clear.

May Allah (swt) support us on our journey through the right path, Ameen.



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