Answer
In this counseling answer:
- While your choice is not necessarily disrespectful, your manners—the way you reject it—can be perceived that way.
- Apologize for any possible disrespect, if there was any on your side, and thank them that they tried to help you.
- List your “must-haves” for your future spouse and share the list with them. Discuss your needs and your preferences.
Salam alaikom, dear sister,
Thank you for contacting us.
You got a proposal and rejected it for financial reasons, yet your parents keep reminding you of that possibility. They say that you have disrespected them, and they do not talk to you.
Right to consent or reject
Well, sister, your letter is not detailed, but what I can say is that you have the right to consent to or reject a marriage proposal. Read more here.
Your parents can surely advise you and participate in the marriage search, but your consent is part of the Islamic marriage.
And not agreeing with them is your right. I am not sure what happened regarding it, but it is good to know that your choice is not necessarily disrespectful, although your manners—the way you reject it—can be perceived that way.
The right manners
So, in the first place, if you feel that your way of dealing with this situation could have hurt their sentiments, you may apologize for that—for your manners and not for your choice.
On the other hand, this situation may be a good opportunity to think about marriage and marriage proposals and what perspective is recommended in Islamic teachings in order to have a good and blessed marriage.
Here are some articles on the topic of the rights of the wife and the important things to look for.
Allah grants us our wishes according to our intentions, so you may make sure that when you are dealing with a proposal, your intention is the purest one and you prioritize the religiosity, the good character and manners, and the compatibility over other issues.
And I am saying this knowing that financial stability is also an important component, and you can make sure that you accept something that provides safety for you, in sha Allah.
So with this being said, try to talk about this again with your parents. Apologize for any possible disrespect, if there was any on your side, and thank them that they tried to help you.
Discuss your needs
You may list your “must-haves” for your future spouse and share the list with them. Discuss your needs and your preferences. This can also help them deal with your future proposals, as they will be more aware of your interests and dealbreakers.
Furthermore, if they advise you in line with Islamic teachings, you may take their words and ponder over them. The prophetic recommendations serve to protect marriage and prevent future conflicts due to disagreements and fundamental differences that we may overlook in the marriage search.
May Allah help you with that.
More from Orsolya Ilham:
- Help Me Navigate This World Obsessed with Beauty
- Confusing Feelings: Is This Love or Not?
- Signs of Meeting My Soulmate & Future Husband
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