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Feeling Not Good Enough for the Love of Allah; Please Help!

14 January, 2023
Q My father always says that I should never forget that Allah loves me. I believe that, kind-of, but I cannot truly believe it. I’m not trying to be disrespectful or anything, because who am I to say what Allah does or does not? But I can’t shake this feeling of hopelessness, that I’m too bad, I do too many sins, I’m not good enough and Allah would never ever love or forgive anything I do because I’m such a horrible person.

I struggle with anxiety and I wish I could just feel like I belong, I have purpose and that Allah is out there for me, waiting for me to ask for help so He can help me. I just want to know if I still have a chance.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

  • Your feelings may arise for reasons unrelated to your faith or relationship with Allah. Get some form of counseling to see what is causing you to feel this way.
  • Start a journal and note down what went through your mind when you noticed these feelings. See, whether there are any issues that are repeatedly cause you feeling this way.
  • Feeling the love of Allah gives you hope. You can increase His love by doing good deeds and by remembering Him frequently.

Salam alaikom sister,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concern.

You write that you are struggling with feelings of hopelessness—that you are too bad, with too many sins, and that Allah may not love you. You would like to feel that you belong and that Allah is out there for you when you need help.

Allah Loves You

Sister, I want to reassure you that Allah loves you and is there for you when you turn to Him for help. This is what He says in the Quran, in multiple verses, so we, as believers, should believe that this is true:

“If you ˹sincerely˺ love Allah, then follow me; Allah will love you and forgive your sins. For Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 3:31)

The same thing applies to the forgiveness of our sins:

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“But whoever repents after their wrongdoing and mends their ways, Allah will surely turn to them in forgiveness. Indeed, Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 5:39)

Of course, you still have a chance. If you are sincere in your repentance and have asked Allah for forgiveness, you can let your guilt go and move on.

Dear sister, I am not sure, but your feelings may arise for reasons unrelated to your faith or relationship with Allah.

You know, we are born with the fitrahso we are spiritual by nature, but the environment and the people around us also shape us, and our nature also has a psychological and physical component.

So, when you are feeling unwell, you need to check all levels to find the root of the problem.

And if your negative feelings are coming from another place, you need to address the problem in the right place.

Your faith and connection with Allah will certainly help you to restore your well-being, but only if you make sure that you treat the problem at all necessary levels.

Address the Cause

Sister, I recommend you get some form of counseling to see what is causing you to feel this way.

There is a wide range of possible issues, from mental health problems like depression to family issues or even emotional changes that occur during the teen years.

A professional can help you discover why you are feeling not good enough and how you can feel loved and better about yourself.

So, I kindly ask you to ask for help, maybe with the support of your parents.

If needed, you can also try family counseling. Find a local counselor or try to look around in your community to see if there are Muslim specialists there.

Self-Help Tips

You might ask yourself what went through your mind when you noticed these feelings. What happened? What were you doing or thinking about? Where could these thoughts be coming from?

Try to start a journal and note down these thoughts. After some time, try to check your words and see whether you find any patterns.

See, whether there are any issues that are repeatedly cause you feeling down.

Is there something going on with your family? Friends or school achievement? Do you receive enough love and support from your loved ones?

Analyzing these patterns might help you find the core belief behind these feelings, which would be the first step towards healing.

Feeling the Love of Allah

Feeling the love of Allah gives you hope. You can increase His love by doing good deeds:

„And do good, for Allah certainly loves the good-doers.” (2:195)

Any time you do something wrong, try to counter it with a good deed. You will attain the love of Allah:

“Whosoever intended to perform a good deed, but did not do it, then Allah writes it down with Himself as a complete good deed. And if he intended to perform it and then did perform it, then Allah writes it down with Himself as from ten good deeds up to seven hundred times, up to many times multiplied. And if he intended to perform an evil deed, but did not do it, then Allah writes it down with Himself as a complete good deed. And if he intended it [i.e., the evil deed] and then performed it, then Allah writes it down as one evil deed.” Hadith 37, 40 Hadith an-Nawawi

At the end of the day, you can note down the things you did for the sake of Allah and others. You will see that there will be actions that are worthy of reward.

You can engage in this practice by committing to performing a certain number of good deeds per day. Make sure you accomplish them.

They can be small things as well; for example, smiling is sunnah and charity, as is greeting someone with kindness.

You will see that there are many things you do for which you deserve the love and mercy of Allah.

Connect Allah Through Your Heart

Focus on your heart, the center of your spirituality, and try to connect through it to Allah. The more you strive for Allah with your good deeds and worship, the softer your heart will be, in sha Allah.

You can find plenty of good material on this on our site, for example, here and here.

Remember Him frequently, as this will also help you find ease and earn the love of Allah:

„Those who honour their trusts and shun evil—surely Allah loves those who are mindful ˹of Him˺.” (Quran 3:76)

Try to do dhikr, read, or recite the Quran. Kindly check this, this, or this article on the topic.   

Establish this practice as a habit; for example, dedicate 5 minutes after waking up to remembering Allah (swt).

Once it becomes a routine, you can add another 5 minutes in the evening, while going to school, etc.

Take care of yourself through activities you enjoy; exercise and eat healthy to feel better.

Read more about the love of Allah here and here.

May Allah help you feeling better,

More from Orsolya Ilham O.:

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Orsolya Ilham O.
Orsolya Ilhaam Oszter holds a BA degree in Communication and Manager in Public Relations, with a specialization in Andragogy. She completed her studies in the BSc Psychology department of International Open University, where she also studied Islamic sciences. She obtained certificates in Islamic Counseling and Islamic Marriage Counseling. Previously she worked in a client-centered atmosphere; currently, as a translator, counselor, and content creator related to Islam, counseling, and psychology. She is a mother of 2 and lives in Spain.