I am sure he likes me even though he has only ever hinted at it. We have had a few good conversations as friends through Instagram dms and I like him very much. We thrive for the same things in life and have similar mindsets. I can see myself sharing my life with him in the future but I know that it's not possible unless he converts. I plan on asking him about his beliefs and how he sees himself in the future.
I don't know what to do after that and I want to ask my mother about this but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. She tends to be very judgemental very fast but I'm sure she would understand eventually. For now I am still thinking how I feel about him and if my feelings are true. I am sure that it's not lust because my intentions are pure and I am prepared to let the situation go if he doesn't want to convert. I find it very important that children have parents that teach them about Islam and its rules and beauty, because I only got taught about Islam briefly and grew up with parents who don't pray which is very discouraging as a child.
I would like advice and guidance. Is this the right approach? Is there anything I could do to make him fall in love with Islam if he isn't sure?
In this counseling answer:
- Consider this: if Allah chose him to be a Muslim, he will be a believer inshallah.
- Talk about what it means to you to be a Muslim and answer his doubts always with respect and kindness.
- Teach him about Islam is through your behavior and good manners.
Salam alaikom dear sister,
According to what I understand, you recently began talking with a high school friend. You started to like him, and it seems that feeling is mutual, as you thrive for the same things in life and have similar mindsets.
But he is not Muslim, and you know that in order to be together in the future, he has to convert.
You plan on asking him about his beliefs and how he sees himself in the future, so let me share my tips as a convert with you.
The Qadr of Allah
I think the first and most important thing to do is to fully embrace the concept of destiny—the qadr of Allah—in your heart. I think you know what I mean when, as Masallah, you say that you are ready to let him go if he does not want to convert.
But let this belief manifest itself in your actions and communication when you speak about Islam.
Consider this: if Allah chose him to be a Muslim, he will be a believer inshallah.
But if Allah has destined him for another path, no one will be able to open his eyes to the truth.
Why is it important to know this?
Because, if you look at it from this perspective, there is no “right approach” or “wrong approach,” so you do not need to be worried that you may say something that turns him away from Islam.
With this being said, when you give the message about Islam, there is no need to „force” your opinion on the other, or be too pushy by trying to convince him. Allah (SWT) says to the Prophet (pbuh) in the Quran:
“But if they turn away, We have not sent you, ˹O Prophet˺ as a keeper over them. Your duty is only to deliver ˹the message˺.” (Quran 42:48)
If his heart is open and the time is right, he will get the message, or at least the first step on the path. So, make sure that you are calm and your intentions are pure when you talk to him.
Diversity in Convictions
Sister, every convert has his or her “moment of conviction.”
For some, it can be listening to a recitation or adhan; for others, a verse in the Quran, a novel (for example, Umm Zakiyyah, If I Should Speak), a philosophical approach to the meaning of life or the life of the Prophet, etc.
So, there is not a single receipt, but what you can do is try to present him with sources according to his interests. If he is religious, you can point out the differences—but always with respect and kindness.
Talk About What Islam Means to You
You can start a conversation by talking about what it means to you to be a Muslim. Why does it give you strength, and how does it benefit your life?
Let him ask his questions also, and if you do not know the answer, tell him that you will figure it out. If he is interested, encourage him to seek his own answers.
The other good way to teach him about Islam is through your behavior and good manners. Try to be kind and trustworthy, and show the values of righteousness to him.
Talk about the family values, the children, the importance of having clear guidance in life, and having belief in one Creator.
Find Him Muslim Friends
You say that you do not live in the same country. If there is some way to introduce him to other Muslims—males—who he can befriend and learn from, then that is a good way to give him another perspective on the deen.
Do Not Convert for Love
At the same time, make sure that your intention of wanting him to be a Muslim is purely for the sake of Allah and because you want the best guidance for him. Do not hurry him or make this the “condition” for earning your love.
Love can be a strong catalyst to transform someone’s life, and I am sure that if he is really interested in you, it would motivate him to learn more about Islam.
At the same time, he has to choose Islam for his own sake and out of conviction, not because of his love for you.
His conviction—just like yours—is important for the success of your future relationship if you want it to be based on real Islamic values.
While I understand your good intentions, I also encourage you to maintain a certain distance from him, especially emotionally, in order to protect yourself from any harm.
You like each other, and this is a good sign, but leave the romantic feelings for later, when the time has arrived and you can be together, in sha Allah.
Give Mim Time and Make Dua
Give him time to learn about the religion and to make a major decision in his life. You can make dua for him and for your future relationship.
Pray to Allah to keep you also on the right path, no matter how this relationship ends, and increase you in knowledge and blessings.
I wish you the best outcome, sister,
More from Orsolya Ilham O.:
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