Answer
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
This is a difficult decision to make as it is one that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.
It is therefore understandable that you are feeling much anxiety. This is why it is very important that you really take the time to sit and think about what to do here.
At present, even though you are engaged, you are not actually married and are therefore not committed to her and you do have the option to walk away. Take some time to consider the consequences either way.
Love Not Happens Overnight
Keep in mind that love is not always something that happens overnight.
It takes time and experience together to grow.
It wouldn’t be unusual to feel unattracted to someone or have feelings towards them when you haven’t gotten to know them yet.
You may get married to her, and that lived experience with her will turn into a love beyond what you ever imagined.
With that, love would then come, attraction, and you would see things in her that you hadn’t before.
Of course, there is a chance that this may not happen also, but it’s important that you open your eyes beyond what you are seeing now.
At the moment, it seems you are judging her solely based on her looks, but what about her other important qualities?
Is she a God-fearing woman who will be a good wife and mother to your children? Is she kind and respectful? Will she treat you well and maintain your rights?
If so, then you should ask yourself if her looks are really that important after all because she is a good person, and then maybe you should go ahead with the marriage.
Which is Worse?
On the other hand, like I said, you are not obliged to her and can walk away with no consequences. You have the right to do so.
I understand that you may break her heart, but she too should understand that until you are married, there is no commitment on either of your parts.
Maybe there would be some social stigma involved, but you must also think of your own wellbeing too, and if living with someone that you don’t love would be the consequence of avoiding the stigma, then you must ask yourself which is worse.
It is a very important decision for you to make and one that whichever choice you make could have either positive or negative consequences.
Write a List
Write a list of the positives and negatives of either choice and add to it over the next few days. What would be most pleasing to Allah? Perhaps even ask trusted friends and family for their own thoughts too.
Continue to take the matter to Allah and when you have made your decision, make istikhara. If you make a decision that is best for you and most pleasing to Allah, then He will facilitate it, and if not, then He will place barriers in the way.
May Allah guide you to what is best and grant you a marriage that will bring you happiness and success in both this life and the next.
More from Hannah Morris:
- How to Manage Your Social Anxiety
- I Changed My Mind; I Want to Refuse This Proposal
- Getting a Marriage Proposal from a Man Shorter Than Me
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