Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Instead of being so harsh on yourself, look at your mistakes as learning opportunities in the school of life on planet Earth. Ask yourself what goals you have and how you can align your will and your goals with the will of Allah and the plan that Allah has for you. Once you have identified that, consider what behaviors, approaches, and attitudes will support and facilitate living the life and achieve the goals that you believe are righteous. If you do this, you will be making progress toward a happy and blessed life.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Whatever behaviors you engaged in that caused damage to your heart and soul, they can be changed. The moment you desire to live a better life, develop your connection to Allah, and revert back to the original condition that you were created in is the moment in which Divine Providence enters your life and you are blessed with the Eternal Grace of Allah through His abundant love and forgiveness. You will be new and whole again.
Indeed, Allah creates us as whole beings. The journey of Islam is the journey back to this truth of our deepest core. It is the journey of reverting to our pure state of being. There is no sin in this state of being. Many people try very hard to stop sinning, but they find the way difficult because they do not understand that in order to stop the destructive behavior (sin) they need to understand who they are as creations of the Most Perfect. If you can do this, you will understand your worth in a healthy context, and you will be able to identify the triggers that brought you into your destructive behaviors, and you will be able to find healthy alternatives to use when you are triggered again.
If a person is willing to cooperate with correction and the corrective process, there is absolutely no need for punishment. If correction feels like punishment, that is only because it is sometimes uncomfortable. Remember, not all correction has to feel uncomfortable. This uncomfortable feeling is mostly experienced on the emotional level because of our own defenses and feelings of inadequacies when we are corrected. If you can accept that you have already been corrected and that you understand your behaviors were destructive, you can respond to that awareness and correction with joy because now you have a new opportunity to do things differently and live your life differently.
Instead of being so harsh on yourself, look at your mistakes as learning opportunities in the school of life on planet Earth. Ask yourself what goals you have and how you can align your will and your goals with the will of Allah and the plan that Allah has for you. Once you have identified that, consider what behaviors, approaches, and attitudes will support and facilitate living the life and achieve the goals that you believe are righteous. If you do this, you will be making progress toward a happy and blessed life.
Marriage can greatly facilitate this progress if you marry a like-minded person who also wants to live a righteous life, who has progressed enough to rise above judgment, and who wants to proactively live a healthy life with you.
You deserve to receive all the blessings that Allah has already desired for you to have, as does every human being. Consider shifting your outlook and look toward the future while continuing to work on your spiritual growth, moral compass, and clarify your values.
Start with valuing yourself as a creation of Allah and then consider what I have just expressed to you.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
