I Feel Pressured to Get Married

02 August, 2020
Q Assalamu Alaikum. I am the youngest in my family and yet to be married. I have 2 other siblings; 1 is married and the other is engaged. My mother wanted me and my elder sibling’s wedding to take place on the same day because my father is retired and only my elder sibling needs to do everything for his and my marriage.

During the search for a possible spouse for me and my elder brother, my mother has put so much effort and consideration towards my brother only; they didn’t consider me much. However, after my brother got engaged, there became an issue as the bride’s mother became ill so they needed to arrange their daughter’s wedding soon.

I am afraid I’ll be in trouble as nowadays it is difficult to find a good partner. They have decided February as the time for the wedding. I am much afraid; if I didn’t get a good proposal my brother’s life will get in trouble. But if they seek a proposal for me in hurry, my life will be in trouble.

I haven’t get proper fathers love too. It’s my brother and mother who took care till now. My father doesn’t support me much.

I have prayed isthikarah too regarding my proposal issues. Please help me out.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Do not worry too much about it all. Your time will come too, and I am sure your brother will take responsibility for your wedding too.

Do not feel pressurized to get married to somebody you don’t want to marry. You are the one who will live with that person, so you must agree to marry him.

You need to divert your attention somewhere else; engage in sports or other good activities, spend more time with your family, think positive thoughts, and pray to Allah that he helps you and make things easier for you.


As Salaam Aleikom Sister,

Thank you for reaching out to us with your concern. I will try to assist you the best I can, Inshallah.

Young girls in Siri Lanka

I can understand your worry, as it is hard to find a decent life partner, especially in Asian culture where there is pressure for girls to get married sooner.

Your elder brother has responsibility for your and his wedding, and it must be a very pressurized situation for both of you. You are still very young, only 22 years old and you should have a good time to find a suitable life partner, but obviously, it is different for girls in Siri Lanka.

I Feel Pressured to Get Married - About Islam

Materialistic Mentality

Finding a good spouse for the daughter in Asian countries, especially where the father cannot afford to have a big wedding can be a problem, unfortunately.

Asian weddings are symbolized with a lot of money and gold. The better off you are the better it looks for the potential partner/ partner’s family. It is a very materialistic mentality and for this reason, it can be difficult for a poor family or a father who doesn’t earn much to find a good proposal for his daughter. The older a girl gets, the harder it gets to get proposals as well.

So, age and money are two important factors that make it difficult for girls to get good life partners. However, Allah will always help if you seek for from him. Nothing is impossible. You are still very young, so you do not need to worry about your age; you have enough time to find a suitable partner. You don’t need to marry someone you don’t like; it is not fair on you.

Father’s Love and Support

Father’s love and support are very important to have for every child. I am sure he loves you and cares about you, but maybe he is not able to show it to you because he feels he is incapable of financially supporting you and your brother’s wedding.

Sometimes when somebody feels like they are not able to do something they should be doing they take a step back as they are ashamed they cannot fulfill their duties. Your family might focus more on finding your brother a partner, as he is the eldest one and it might be more important for them to marry him off than yourself.

Do not worry too much about it all, your time will come too, and I am sure your brother will take responsibility for your wedding too. He seems to be a good and responsible brother. You are lucky to have him, as there aren’t many brothers who care so much nowadays. Your family cares about you, so don’t stress yourself over anything. Whatever happens, will happen for the best.

Put your Trust in Allah

Stop worrying, I know it is easier said than done. There are a few things you can do to feel less stressed and worried about finding good marriage proposals.

You need to divert your attention somewhere else. I am not saying that you should not be thinking about your future partner at all, because that is not possible. All I am saying is to be easy on yourself, as it is not healthy for you to worry too much and be stressed about what will happen.


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You can try to keep yourself busy engaging in sports or other good activities, spend more time with your family, think positive thoughts, and pray to Allah that he helps you and make things easier for you.

Read the Quran, and you will find peace within yourself. When the time is right, you will find a suitable partner, you just need to have faith and think positively. Have trust in Allah (SWT) and never belittle that trust. For the trust we have in Allah is a path to success and a means of achieving victory.

Never lose hope and always remember that the situation of a true believer is always one of goodness: For when they are granted a blessing from Allah (SWT) they praise Him and due to that they are rewarded and their blessings increase and when a calamity strikes they patiently persevere, and as a result of which they are rewarded and granted something better than what they lost.

 Allah said in the Qur’an:

‘’Put your trust in Allah. Allah loves those that trust [in Him].’’ [Surah al-Imran 3: 159]

 Remain focused

Do not feel pressurized to get married to somebody you don’t want to marry. You are the one who will live with that person, so you must agree to marry him. Have a proper sit-down conversation with your parents and your siblings; tell them about how you feel and your concerns. Be open with them and don’t close yourself off and feel alone about it. Tell them what you want. There is nothing wrong with that, you should be able to speak to your own family. Do not hold back, but at the same time be polite and well-mannered when you speak to them, they are your elders and the respect should always be maintained. Sometimes the key to a problem is the lack of communication.

I wish your tension and worries go dissipate and may Allah ease your worries and grant you a good life partner,

Ameen.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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