Fiancé Isn’t Good Enough for My Dad

18 September, 2021
Q As-Salamu 'Alaykum. Last year, I received a proposal from someone whom I rejected first, but then he asked me to stay in touch with him, and I agreed. Within few months of chatting, I started having feelings for him which he already had for me as I was the person who influenced him in praying and becoming a better person. (He was divorced.) I didn't mind his past as for me his present mattered, and I saw that he was trying to change himself. He quit smoking and started praying 5 times a day. As time went by, our feelings got stronger and he finally proposed me. I told my parents about him, but we got to hear from someone that after being divorced, he married another woman and had a child. When I asked him, he denied and said that he had told me everything about his past since day 1 about eloping and divorce. But for my father, it was over; he doesn't want to hear from him anymore. With so many complications, at the end, the guy I love fed up trying to explain the truth to everyone, and indirectly decided to give upon us and move on. Now, I'm left with feelings for him and no matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my mind. I always felt that it's destiny that brought us together after I rejected him. But now I don't know what to do. I know he loves me and he just pushed me away because he thinks he's not good enough for me and my family. Please, help me what to do. I ask Allah all the time to make the situation fine again, but how can we know if someone will come back to us if they're meant to? Jazak'Allah khair.

Answer

Answer:

Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam sister,

It can be very distressing for people when they love someone so much but feel like they have lost them. Alhamdulilah, Allah (swt) provides with the best procedure for entering marriage that will avoid the type of heartbreak that you have been experiencing.

Talking with another man alone outside of marriage is haram and can lead to the kind of problems that you have been experiencing, which is exactly why Allah (swt) forbade such an act. He (swt) says that in such a case the third person is Shaytan, which is why these types of interactions often result in haram.

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As you can see, these interactions have lead you to develop feelings for him, and when it didn’t work out you are now faced with the distress you, as a result. It is important that we all do our utmost to adhere to Allah’s (swt) obligations on us, in the faith that Allah (swt) is the One who possesses the best wisdom.

At times, we think we know best. In situations like yours, this can be overtaken by feelings which lead us to make decisions that are not good for us and take us away from practising Islam as it should be.

Only Allah (swt) knows what the future holds for you and whether it is with this man or not. What you do need to understand is that even if he comes back into your life, you began your relationship in a haram way, and this can make for a bad start in marriage. Not always, but it’s important to be aware of the consequences of such in the context of the relationship.

He was never obliged to let you know about his past, so the fact he did not disclose his full past is not such a worry. However, due to the rumours that seem to have reached your parents, it has become more of a problem than it needs to be. Islamically, we should avoid being engaging in rumours and backbiting, but when this man has become the victim of it, it inevitably makes things difficult for him as your father is now completely against a marriage to him.

A good place to begin at this point is to repent to Allah (swt) for having relationship with a non-mahram male without anyone else’s present and do so with sincerity. Allah (swt) says in the Quran:

“And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out.” (65:2)

If this man is meant for you, then Allah (swt) will bring him back into your life and will open you parents’ hearts to him. However, this should not stop you from seeking marriage to someone else, or accepting a proposal from anyone else, otherwise you spend your life in waiting and miss out on the opportunity for marriage.

Understandably, you might find this difficult. But if you are introduced to another righteous man, then it is possible for you to develop the same kind of feelings – but in an appropriate way that is most pleasing to Allah (swt). You can learn a lesson from this experience by making sure that any future interaction you have with a non-mahram male are in the presence of someone else, ideally your father, so that you don’t run the risk of developing feelings for someone outside of wedlock again. This includes the other man that you have spoken of here. Make sure everything is kept halal.

May Allah (swt) bring you ease and bring a spouse your way that will bring happiness and comfort in your life.

Salam,

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