I’m really not sure about what to do because I really love and want to believe in him, that he can truly believe in Allah and Islam. Should I Tawakkul and continue praying for him + not give up on him + proceed with marriage? Or am I a fool for believing that this will work out and just sever our emotional connection + move on?
I’m really desperate for guidance and I don’t know what to do.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Please try to see what the situation is in the sight of Allah, as this is ultimately important.
- Talk to him about the sincerity and importance of real conviction in one’s faith. When he will be truly a Muslim, you can marry and live your lives happily.
- Think about what is more important to you: your desire and love for him, or Allah and His command and guidance.
Salam alaikom, dear sister,
Thank you for turning to us with your concern.
You say that you live with a non-Muslim guy who converted to Islam, yet he does not believe in Allah. He is an atheist. He is trying to pray and take Islamic courses, and he says that he will continue to learn about Islam, even if he has no belief, just to be with you.
Well, sister, let me start with this last statement:
He does not believe, but he wants to be with you.
He Does Not Believe
So, actually, it means that his conversion is not based on conviction about the sahada, about the Oneness of God, and about the Prophethood of Muhammad (peace be upon him). It is rather a means to continue the relationship with you.
I am not going to go into a lot of detail about what this means for him, as it is you who are turning to us.
But, sister, think about the fact that he clearly says that he is doing this only for the sake of your relationship. He loves you, right? But I would wonder what true love means.
Is this to say that you pretend to practice a religion without having faith in it?
Would it not be more right to admit that this faith is not for him, even if that leads to ending your relationship?
If he is not a believer, he might think that he has nothing to lose, but what about you?
Would it not be better if you would admit that this man, even if you love him, is not meant for you right now, until the circumstances allow that?
I am not saying that this change of heart will not happen, as Allah is the One who decides about that and when He wants.
So, on the one hand, it is always worth trying and not giving up on him. May Allah opens his heart for the truth. So keep making dua and asking Allah in your prayers to guide him to belief.
At the same time, according to what you present, he is not a Muslim right now, as he does not believe in the first pillar of Islam.
I am not an Islamic scholar, so my answer is not a scholarly one. Islam has 5 pillars, so one has to witness and practice these pillars according to their best while having belief in the 6 pillars of faith.
So, I am wondering what his prayers are about without his belief in Allah.
And from this comes the next, inevitable question: why do you live together without marriage if that is a condition in Islam to have a romantic relationship?
See What Really Matters
I kindly ask you, dear sister, to think about these points. I am not trying to judge you, but please try to see what the situation is in the sight of Allah, as this is ultimately important.
What matters is what is in his heart, as Allah knows that, and what the basis and nature of your relationship are, as again, Allah knows that.
Anything else, to be honest, is our desire and wish to adjust reality to something that is not acceptable. We pretend as if it is, while it is not, to keep our love alive.
So, with this being said, I advise you the following:
Talk to him about the sincerity and importance of real conviction in one’s faith.
Of course, you cannot force him, and you do not need to. Only Allah can turn him towards Islam if he truly seeks guidance.
Explain to him that we are going to be rewarded according to our intentions, so if his intention is not spiritual but to win your heart, he won’t gain more than that.
He may not care, as he does not fear the consequences, if he is not a believer. But if you are a Muslim, dear sister, that is another issue.
Think about what is more important to you: your desire and love for him, or Allah and His command and guidance. If the latter, prepare to leave this relationship until you can continue it in a halal way.
He might come to a conviction, and when he is truly a Muslim, you can marry and live your lives happily. Without this, you cannot count on Allah’s blessing in your relationship.
Help Him Find Asnwers
Try to find him Muslim friends—those who know about Islam and can come up with good arguments.
He can discuss the difference between atheism and Islam. Maybe the problem is that he has not found the right answers yet that make him fully believe in Allah and His word.
Try another approach, according to his interest and character, as people have different ways of approaching conviction and faith.
Try these articles while checking out some popular channels and debates that can be thought-provoking for him: Struggling Between Islam and Atheism, Belief in God is Illogical, Says the Atheist
Keep praying for him and that Allah guide him, but also have taqwa and put Allah and His commands first in your dealings.
Here are some further readings:
Muslim Women Cannot Marry Non-Muslim Men: Why?
Can One Be An Agnostic Muslim?
May Allah help you, sister, and grant you success.
More from Orsolya Ilham:
- Feeling Not Good Enough for the Love of Allah; Please Help!
- I’ve Hurt My Mum; How to Control Anger & Gain Back Her Trust?
- My Concerns Before Marriage: Parents and His Caste
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