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I’m Getting Married, but I Can’t Control My Sexual Desires

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 01, 2019

Question

Assalamu alaikum.

I am crying while writing my problem to you. I have been following About Islam for a long period of time. I have been suffering from OCD for the last few years. In addition to that, I am also suffering from excessive sex disorder. I have started praying and Alhamdulillah I was able to stay away from such a filthy act for some time. I thought this would not never come back, but I could not control my urges and committed fornication.

I am in a relationship with a girl whom I will marry soon. She is a wonderful lady and I told her about this addiction and I promised her that I would never do this again. I am such a filthy man that I committed this sin again. Now I feel so guilty and cannot tell this to anyone.

How will I tell these to people? I feel so guilty after committing such heinous crime. Please help me how will I be able to overcome this illness. I am already under medications for my OCD. I am such a disgusting person. I cannot forgive myself.

Counselor

Answer


In this counseling answer:

•Let’s begin by focusing on the positives; Alhamdulillah, you will be getting married soon. Alhamdulillah you have recognized that it is a problem and are in the process of doing something about it, and Alhamdulillah, Islam has the solution for this.

•Continue to repent for the sin. Stand before Allah and beg for His forgiveness.

•Get married as soon as possible.

•Keep busy with acts of worship.

•Fasting, in sha Allah, will prevent you from doing such things as during this time we learn to control all desires.

•Seek help from a counselor.


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon problem. This is likely because we are faced with images that promote such behaviors on a daily basis. It is quite inescapable, especially in the West. It is almost impossible to live your normal daily life without being faced with images that bring such thoughts to mind.

Let’s begin by focusing on the positives; Alhamdulillah, you will be getting married soon. Alhamdulillah you have recognized that it is a problem and are in the process of doing something about it, and Alhamdulillah, Islam has the solution for this.

The fact that you know it is a problem is the best place to start. It will give you the motivation to do all you can to change. Furthermore, you know that it is a sin which on its own is enough to eventually push you away from this behavior to avoid the unpleasant feelings you get as a result of engaging in the sin. Continue to repent for the sin. Stand before Allah and beg for His forgiveness. He loves to forgive and will if you continue to ask for His Mercy and continue to do all you can to stop this behavior. You must be confident in His Mercy if you are to free yourself from such guilt and move on free from this sin.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

As with everything, Islam always has a solution. In this case, one solution is to get married. You are at an age where you will have these desires that need a meeting. The only way to meet this in a halal way is through marriage. Marriage is highly valued in Islam and this is one of the reasons why; as it stops the need for fornication as needs can otherwise be met without acts that lead to corruption in the land.

With this in mind, since being with the woman until you marry isn’t permitted, I would encourage you to get married as soon as possible so that you can experience this unity. In sha Allah, once married you will find your life in this particular domain will change dramatically as you have a different outlook on life.

In the meantime, Allah has offered other solutions to your desires which will be good practice to implement in your life until you get married. Keep Allah in mind always, with everything you do, even small tasks. Make the necessary du’aa’s throughout the say. With Allah in mind, it will be easier to stay away from sinful acts.

When you get a chance, keep busy with acts of worship. Improve your Qur’an recitation skills, watch Islamic lectures and increase your knowledge, perform dhikr; all these things so that Allah is always in your mind.

With Ramadan almost here, it will be time to fast which is another excellent solution to your problems and is prescribed in the Sunnah as a means to control your desires if you are not married. Fasting, in sha Allah, will prevent you from doing such things as during this time we learn to control all desires, right down to that of hunger and thirst.


Check out this counseling video


If after marriage you still face this issue about sex, I would also recommend you seek help for these apparently uncontrollable desires. Maybe if you bring the issue up with your current counselor you are working on your OCD, he or she will able to help you or recommend someone else who would help you, inshallah.

May Allah forgive and guide you and grant you a spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Cannot Control My Desires Any More

I Feel Guilty for Having Romantic Fantasies

I’m Scared to Get Married to a Middle-Easterner




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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