I have been praying for different things since I turned 17, all of it related to clearing exams for getting into a good university or getting a good job. I've prayed all day everyday for all of those things. But I failed every time. I'm a good student. Has got high marks in everything but when it comes to such crucial exams, i always fail.
The last straw was this January, when I reached the very final stage of a selection procedure for a very prestigious job through working very hard to the point of collapsing and with Allah's help. The only thing remaining was to get my joining letter. I used to pray Tahajjud, recite all the dikr that I know, do salah and everything. Even my mom did it all. But, in the end, I failed it too. Not because I was bad, but because of the very limited vacancy, as in 7 in the country.
There have been multiple instances where I lost everything at the margin. And now I feel like there is no point in praying anymore. I never did any bad things, always respected my parents and obeyed them, never raised my voice against them, tried to treat everyone with respect and compassion. I tried not to hurt anyone even unknowingly. I did all of this and yet I'm at a point of life where I have not improved at all for the past 7 yrs.
I'm extremely guilt ridden and devastated when I think about my parents who wanted a daughter who did great things. They wanted me to be a doctor, an engineer but I couldn't become any of them. I'm stuck and I don't feel like doing salah or making dua.
I want to change. I want my iman back but this feeling has tormented me and I'm ashamed of admitting that I resented the almighty once, which I know is a great sin. I've repented but I can't help the feeling of getting punished. People keep telling me to have patience but I can't do it anymore. They keep telling me that Allah has kept something much better for you, but how long should I wait. I even did badly in a recent exam for a job despite studying 16 hrs a day . I had Allah's name on my tongue through every question.
Please help me get out of this miserable mindset and return back to regular prayers and salah.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- You may be approaching your spiritual connection in a somewhat transactional way: I pray, I make du’a, I put in the effort, and in return, I expect Allah to make my dreams come true and grant me the success I am looking for.
- You said that you are their only child, but even this should not place this huge responsibility on you at this young age. Because beyond the pressure, unfortunately it can create the urge to follow a path, while you do not have time to consider what you actually need.
Assalamu Alaikum, sister,
Thank you for your question. As I understand you express disappointment due to the repeated failure of your professional and academic aspirations. You want to make your parents happy, who want you to become an engineer or a doctor. Yet it seems that you have not been successful in getting into those highly prestigious programmes or pursuing the careers you were hoping for.
You say that you have tried everything: you have studied, made plenty of du’a, prayed, and so on. Yet, despite all your efforts, things have not worked out as you hoped. You feel that Allah SWT has not helped, and you simply do not know how to approach the situation anymore.
Dua as a transaction
Sister, to get straight to the point, it seems to me that you may be approaching your spiritual connection in a somewhat transactional way: I pray, I make du’a, I put in the effort, and in return, I expect Allah to make my dreams come true and grant me the success I am looking for.
It is almost as though you are saying: I believe, I pray, I do everything I am supposed to do, but I still fail. Why aren’t You giving me what I am asking for? I have done everything, yet I haven’t received what I wanted.
I wonder whether you have noticed this way of thinking, sister. And what if this is exactly what is preventing you from feeling at peace with your situation?
If you truly believe that Allah is the All-Knowing, the All-Powerful, and the Best of Planners, then you need to reflect on what these names and attributes actually mean. Allah knows what you do not know. He sees what you cannot see. He has knowledge of the bigger picture, the right time of events, whereas your understanding is limited.
This is also where the concept of qadr (divine decree) comes into the picture, as well as the question of what success really means. Can you accept that He knows where your place should be exactly, and what your personal success story is?
Of course, it is great that you include spirituality in your worldly aspirations. You make du’a, you pray, and you ask Allah for what you desire. This is precisely what we are encouraged to do. But can you also accept that He knows better than you what is ultimately good for you and what is not?
Signs as guidance
If you constantly encounter obstacles in a particular direction, perhaps it is worth considering that this may not be the direction you are meant to pursue, at least not right now. Can you see them as “signs,” not of failure but of guidance?
This is where acceptance and surrender come in: the real surrender to Allah’s decree. It means making your intentions, putting in your efforts, asking for what you want, and then allowing yourself to be guided. It means trusting Allah even when the outcome is different from what you had imagined.
With this being said, I do not know what the future holds for you. I am not saying that you cannot become successful as a doctor or an engineer, or that these professions are necessarily out of reach.
I completely understand the cultural expectations surrounding these professions, and I am aware of how much pressure they can create. But I want to question why you are convinced that these are the only two paths to success.
I would also like to ask you whether this is genuinely what you want. I understand the wish to please your parents, and the economic pressure. You said that you are their only child, but even this should not place this huge responsibility on you at this young age. Because beyond the pressure, unfortunately it can create the urge to follow a path, while you do not have time to consider what you actually need.
What is success?
Sister, would you choose this for you right now, if the economic pressure disappeared by tomorrow? Is this really the path you want? Connect with your heart and allow yourself to ask: What do I really want? And what else can I do, given that I do not seem to be progressing in this particular direction right now? Thinking about these questions does not mean that you do not care about your family. But it can help you to figure out what to do next.
You also mention that you have not improved over the past seven years. I would like to challenge this belief because I am quite sure that you have learned and developed in many ways during this time. I am sure you could list several areas of your life in which you have grown and improved compared to who you were seven years ago.
Having a particular job or succeeding in a particular examination is not the only way to measure personal, professional, intellectual, or character development. There are many other dimensions of growth that deserve recognition.
That said, start with acceptance and openness to divine guidance. This means setting your intentions, making your efforts, and then allowing yourself to be guided rather than insisting that things must unfold in one particular way.
It also means acknowledging that when something repeatedly prevents you from reaching a particular destination, there may be wisdom in that experience. Perhaps, when you look back later, you will understand why things happened as they did. Perhaps, by looking at the bigger picture, you will begin to see things differently.
Remember that you will be rewarded according to our intentions. Continue to make sincere du’a and ask Allah for what your heart desires. In the meantime, brainstorm other possibilities. Try to explore what else you could do, even if you are still interested in one of these professions. What other opportunities and pathways are available to you?
Ask for what you want, but also make room for the possibility that something may be delayed, that something may not be meant for you at this particular moment, or that it may not be meant for you at all. Try to accept that there can be wisdom in a different direction, even when you cannot understand it yet.
I hope this helps, sister,
