I get blocked on WhatsApp because after nikkah I agreed that she completed her contract. But out of anger she added another year.
She has blocked all communication with me. I really don't know and it's frustrating.
Answer
In this counseling session:
- Communication is the most essential part of a good and healthy relationship; it is what creates the bond and instills trust between the couple.
- If there are obstructions from any side – it is important that you understand what the factors might be?
- Try seeking professional counseling And therapy.
- Take care of your own emotional health.
AssalamuAlaikum brother,
Thank you for reaching out! Even though your post is very short, and your question is not entirely clear about what kind of contract you have with your wife, after nikah, I can sense a lot of hurt and frustration in your post.
From what you have mentioned in the post – it feels as though you are in an emotionally taxing relationship where what you say and want is unheard by your wife, and therefore you feel rejected.
Your post itself is very short and therefore it is difficult to make sense of the details and the context but I will try to address your concern as best as I can. From your post I understand that the person you are talking about is in your Nikah, however, is not currently living with you.
Communication Is The Basic Building Block Of a Relationship
Communication is the most essential part of a good and healthy relationship; it is what creates the bond and instills trust between the couple. If your wife is not responding to calls or text messages – you can request her to meet and talk for a while where you can clarify your feelings towards her behavior.
One important thing to consider, when communicating is to use assertive communication instead of blaming. Assertive communication is done in the form of “I-statements”, for instance, saying, “I feel rejected and hurt when you shut me out or block me”.
Whereas, using a blaming tone or words may make her shut down even more, or could put her in the defensive mode, making her more angry and less available for rational communication. However, instead of being put down or intimidated by her anger – I would suggest that you maintain a neutral stance to understand properly what may be going on for her.
Check out this counseling video:
Explore Your Idea of an Ideal Relationship with Your Wife
If possible, try to understand what marriage and a relationship means to your wife, and tell her your own views. If she finds communication so annoying, try to find out topics that might interest her, and which might allow her to open up to you.
In case getting through to her is not an option at this point, work on this exercise on your own. Try to explore what you want for yourself in an ideal relationship, and what of those things do you expect to give and receive in this relationship?
You may also want to explore the meaning of a relationship to you. What does it mean for you to be in a relationship or a marriage, and what it feels like when you are rejected in the relationship? Why do you think you have been put in this spot where you are being so painfully rejected?
Try to Understand Her Annoyance
Building any authentic relationship takes time, and a desire and willingness from both parties to create the bond. If there are obstructions from any side – it is important that you understand what the factors might be?
What is making her annoyed? Is it something that can be corrected by your side? Or is it totally her being irrational? Is she being manipulative or does she want to end the relationship? These are some of the hard questions you’ll have to deal with before being able to get to the bottom of it all.
Try Seeking Professional Counselling And Therapy
I am not sure if this is currently an option for you, but you may want to consider professional couple’s counselling and therapy to help you improve the relationship with your wife. It might help to have a neutral perspective on things that helps each of you understand the problems, and blocks in the relationship.
Take Care of Your Own Emotional Health
I am concerned about your emotional health. It is essential that you don’t fall into a cycle of self-blame and feel as though something may be wrong in you that could be causing you problems in your relationship. I understand dealing with relationship problems can be extremely anxiety-provoking; hence while you are trying to sort out the matter, also remember to be kind and gentle to yourself.
Understand that Life In This World Is a Test
Brother, life in this world is a test by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. He tests each of His creations in different ways. For instance, He tests some people with health, some with finances and some with relationships.
In the Quran, Allah SWT says,
“Verily, We shall put you to test with some fear, and hunger, and with some loss of wealth, lives, and offspring. And (O Muhammad) convey good tidings to those who are patient, who say, when inflicted by hardship, “Verily we are of God and verily to Him shall we return;” upon them is the blessings of Allah and His mercy.” [2:155]
Ask Allah For Help And Guidance
I understand that tough times like these may feel depressing. And sometimes you may feel as though you are losing the sense of direction in life, wondering where you are headed. But remember, Allah SWT is always near. He is always listening and He sees what is in the hearts.
He says in the Quran,
“And We charge no soul except [with that within] its capacity, and with Us is a record which speaks with truth; and they will not be wronged.” [23:62]
Ask Allah SWT for help, and He will surely help you, InshaAllah.
Salam,
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