For Couples

How to Improve Your Intimate Relationship?

He parks the car in the driveway, his physical discomfort still bothering him.

He tried to avert his gaze and not look at the beach-bound girls walking along the road five minutes ago, but the damage is done.

As he walks into the house, reciting dua’s, he makes a silent prayer, “O Allah! Let me get lucky tonight.”

Support AboutIslam.net

The tantalizing aroma of freshly cooked food, the clattering of kitchenware, and a din of voices greet him as he enters. It seems that his visiting aunt has cooked up another one of her specialties.

Since the weeks before his baby’s birth, a slew of relatives have been coming over to stay at the house for extended visits. It is a full house almost every night.

His wife is helping his mother, aunt and sister-in-law in the kitchen, the baby playing nearby in the bassinet. He tries to catch her eye, but she is too busy laying the table, and later on, clearing away the dishes and washing up.

Right after dinner, his father, uncle, and brother insist that he watch the game with them over tea. He gets up as soon as he notices his wife going upstairs, but they playfully pull him back down, ignoring his protests.

At almost 11 p.m, he sneaks upstairs quietly, but as soon as he enters the bedroom, his heart sinks.

Before she could even wash up and change, she has sunk into a deep sleep while breastfeeding the baby.

Learn to Sometimes Say “No”

For the young, newly married men, it is not long after they tie the knot that they start being teased by their close family members if they give too much time and attention to their brides.

Comments like, “You have totally forgotten about us,” are common.

The parents and siblings of the groom are primarily the ones monitoring and observing the couple’s activities from day one, mostly because the couple is living with them. They are usually the first to pipe up complains of how he has started ‘ignoring’ them since he got married.

After the first few months, they might begin to frown upon his date nights, complaining that his “honeymoon phase” is going on longer than necessary.

It is wise and advisable for the newly wed man to ignore such negative comments and use prudent and diplomatic words to explain to his family how he needs to take the time to focus on his marriage for a year or two.

Those unwary bridegrooms who are too afraid to face criticism from their parents, siblings and other relatives about this matter, end up sacrificing their privacy with their wives from the start of their marriage, in order to appease them.

This sends them a clear unspoken message that, ‘you come first, my sexual satisfaction comes second, even though I am married now’. It should come as no surprise then, if his relatives become the ones who dictate the amount and frequency of the exclusive time he spends with his wife behind closed doors.

Candidly speaking, a cowering and complacent new husband allows his parents and relatives to control the frequency and quality of the intimacy he enjoys with his wife.

And this is a recipe for marital disaster!

Be Realistic and Discreet

One of the most important things a young married man must learn to do from the start of his marriage, is to learn how to balance his time and attention between his biological family and his wife, so that he can give the dues of both without undermining the other.

My Wife & I Support Our Families, but What About Our Future?

He should not allow either of the two sides to control and manipulate him to alleviate their personal insecurities.

The couple should also remember to be realistic: while it is important to be able to enjoy spontaneous intimacy as and when they desire. 

They should acknowledge that there will be times when the presence of relatives in the house will hinder or outright spoil their private time together (e.g. a clingy niece or nephew who refuses to leave their room till late at night!).

They should learn to be very discreet and quiet in their marital relations when there are others in the house, so that no untoward incidents happen that could cause them embarrassment.

She just can’t seem to take her mind off the recurring fantasies. She tries to while away the evening by listening to an Islamic lecture online.

After an hour, she gets up to heat dinner and put the children to bed. Her phone beeps at 9 p.m. She hurriedly reaches for it in the hope that he’ll be texting to say that he will come home soon.

“I’ll be late. Unexpected office meeting. Also need to fill up gas.”

Her heart sinks. Not again!

A flicker of hope still lingers in her though, as she gets ready.

Two hours later, he enters the apartment dragging his feet and sighing heavily with fatigue. Dinner is cold but he doesn’t notice, chewing the food with his eyes half shut, nodding and mumbling obscure responses to her queries.

She wonders if he can smell her perfume at all?

By the time she emerges from the bathroom wearing the silky new piece of intimate apparel that she ordered online the previous week, he is fast asleep on the bed, snoring loudly.

Pages: 1 2