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I Just Found Out My Husband Has a Second Wife for 2 Years

22 November, 2021
Q Salam Aleikom.

I recently found out my husband of 3 years has secretly been married to another woman for the last 2 years. My whole world seems to have turned upside down as this is not something I expected. We have a 2 year old son as well which makes things even harder.

To make matters worse, I spoke to his other wife who has told me more than what my husband has. It just seems that he is a liar.

When this all came out, my husband said he only married this woman because she fell pregnant, but when I spoke to her she said they married 2 years ago which is well before she fell pregnant as they now have a son who is 8 months old. It seems every time I ask him or confront him he just lies.

My family are devastated about this and he has lied to my family as well.

I have since moved back to my parents’ home with my son and left him as I was previously living with his family. To be honest, my time there was very hard as I didn't get on with his sisters as they made my life difficult and I never felt it to be my home.

I struggled to bring my son up there as I felt like I was walking on eggshells and felt like an outsider.

My husband was never supportive. He was always out or at work. His family have shown no remorse over what has happened. They are instead saying it's ok to have more than one wife. Yes, I understand this, but never did I expect this from my husband as we had a love marriage and this was never mentioned.

I don't know what to do. I feel like all the trust is gone and I'm so hurt that he’s been going behind my back, going to her then coming home to me.

His other wife also told me that he married her when I was 6 months pregnant. I gave my husband everything then why did he do this. If he wasn't happy with me then he should have said but nothing was mentioned.

His other wife told me that hes been saying he doesn't like me, that we don’t get on and he's wanted to get out for a long time. But this is news to me.

When I confront him he denies it all, why is he still lying?

Everything makes sense to me as far the last 2 years we have had issues in our marriage. My husband never initiated sex with me, every time I would ask him he would reject me. He has never been affectionate towards me in the last 2 years. It was like he was only with me because of our son.

Please advise me what to do. I know I can never trust him again. I want to do what's best for my son. I know in Islam you can have more than one wife, but I don’t accept this for myself.

Marriage was for life for me and he’s ruined my life. I think the only way forward is for me to divorce him.

Answer

Salam Alaikum,

In this counseling video, you will learn:

• Slow down everything; do not react by your hurt.

• As long as there is no trust, a relationship cannot be rekindled

• Consider what changes need to be done to gain back the trust in this marriage.

• Be honest and let him be honest.

• Usually, when a man marries someone else due to problems in his first marriage, he will find the same problems in his second marriage.

• Make istikhara; ask Allah to guide you.

Watch more: 

About Megan Wyatt
Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community. She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.