Last year was a terrible and difficult year for me. I got diagnosed with two diseases; one genetic and one hormonal. Both of them will remain with me as long as I am alive. Before the diagnosis, I got married through an arrangement, but my husband only married me to get a sponsorship to Australia.
Now, he wants a divorce so he can marry one of his many girlfriends from back home. He is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and, as mentioned, a womanizer. He and his family abused me a lot.
On top of all of that, I lost my only sibling. He caught a cold from me, but it got complicated and he passed away. I can't get over the guilt I feel being responsible for his death. I have a good education, but I’m struggling to find a job.
My parents are getting older and if I don't get a good job, I cannot look after them properly. I am severely depressed and I can't deal with all these things. The sadness, pain, and everything going wrong makes me want to die. I don't understand the purpose of my life.
How am I supposed to go on with life when every single day is a struggle?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Tests are a way to push the believer to his/her knees and connect with Allah. Hanging onto this as a reminder can help us in managing emotions when they become so overwhelming.
• You might consider keeping a gratitude journal where you spend 10 minutes each night thinking about and reflecting on the blessings in your life, or the positive things that happened in your day.
• On the topic of positivity, try getting yourself involved in things that you enjoy and make you feel happy.
Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh, sister,
SubhanAllah, you really have faced a number of difficulties with two lifelong medical diagnoses, a troubled marriage heading for divorce, abuse from your husband’s family, the death of your sibling, and difficulties finding a job.
With all of these things on your neck, you are really struggling with life, which is understandable as it is a lot for you to be dealing with all at once. It must be very overwhelming and feel like there is no escape.
However, whilst it feels like this to you now, there is much hope.
Your Purpose in Life
Firstly, without looking at any particular issue, take a broader look at the idea of going through tests. We must remember what Allah tells tell us all in the Qur’an,
’Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried?’ (Qur’an 29:2)
If we don’t get tested in this life then we would never get the chance to turn to Allah and ask for His help.
Tests are a way to push the believer to his/her knees and connect with Allah. We know we will be tested and it is our responsibility to make sure we respond in the best way which will be most pleasing to Him.
Tests give us the opportunity to understand our purpose in life; it is to worship Allah. Without such tests, it is easier to forget about Allah, so a test is a blessing that turns you to Him to help you realize your purpose.
There are other examples in Islam that we can draw upon to make this concept easier to understand.
Look to all the Prophets and great people before us and how they were tested beyond any test that we will ever face in this life, yet they were regarded highly by Allah.
Therefore, we can deduce that such tests aren’t punishments, but indeed a blessing with the best of rewards in this life or in the hereafter.
Hanging onto this as a reminder can help us in managing emotions when they become so overwhelming.
’It was narrated from Anas bin Malik that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 4031)
Place Your Trust in Allah
Further relief comes in the remembrance that for all this pain that you are facing, Allah is also purifying you of your sins so that you can see yet another hidden blessing in a situation that seemingly has no hope.
Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5641, 5642)
Focus on the Positives in Your Life
It’s easy to become so focused on the difficulties you face as you try to resolve them, so much so that you may forget about the good things in your life and the blessings that have been bestowed upon you.
Please make sure to take the time to remember such blessings that you may find relief in them.
You might consider keeping a gratitude journal where you spend 10 minutes each night thinking about and reflecting on the blessings in your life, or the positive things that happened in your day.
Revisit them whenever you experience moments of sadness as a means to bring you back up again and restore your motivation.
Check out this counseling video:
Doing such a task at the end of the day is a great way to end it on a positive note and increase your good feelings. In time, this will in shaa’ Allah increase your general positivity.
Increasing your spirituality by strengthening your connection with Allah will, in shaa’ Allah, help you overcome your difficulties as you come to view them, and life in general, more positively.
Do Things You Enjoy
On the topic of positivity, try getting yourself involved in things that you enjoy and make you feel happy.
When we feel sad and in despair, we become so wrapped up in negative thoughts and feelings that we forget that it is also possible to be happy and have fun.
Do the things you enjoy doing, meet with people who make you happy, or if there is something you’ve always wanted to try but didn’t, do it!
These are the things that will boost your mood and make it easier for you to manage your difficulties as well as give you a bit of space away from constantly thinking about them.
Engaging in such activities may open up new opportunities for you that you never imagined.
Summary
You are facing many difficulties all at once, and it has become so overwhelming for you that it seems like there is no hope at this point. However, there a number of ways to deal with this to see you through, in shaa’ Allah.
From a spiritual perspective, you should take time to discover the blessings which you’ve been granted throughout such a tough situation.
See this time of difficulty as an opportunity to turn to Allah SWT and prove yourself to Him as someone who is steadfast in her beliefs and will continue to turn to Him trust in His will.
Remember that Allah tests those He loves most and that the wisdom in the test is the expiation of sins, amongst others.
From a practical perspective, try to focus on the positives in your life, too, as a means to boost your well-being and put you in a better frame of mind to deal with your difficulties.
May Allah grant you patience during these difficult times and may He give you the strength to get through. May He reward you with the best in this life and the hereafter.
Salam,
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