What Shall I Do If My Husband Doesn't Want to Work? | About Islam
Home > Ask the Counselor > Marital Obstacles > What Shall I Do If My Husband Doesn’t Want to Work?

What Shall I Do If My Husband Doesn’t Want to Work?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Dec 17, 2018

Question

Assalamualaikum.

What should I do when my husband doesn't want to work and makes me work to earn for the family. I have a 5-year-old child and I have to take care of everything.

My husband lost his father when he was young, and his mother is under his step-uncle who doesn't want to give my husband's paternal inheritance share of the property. My mother in law is also not giving him anything and blindly supporting his step-uncle.

For the past three years, my husband doesn’t work seriously and doesn’t earn or give anything for me or our child.

He is telling me to work and when I tell him that he is the one who must he beats me.

What should I do? I am getting depressed as I did love marriage. I want to move out of this marriage with my daughter. What shall I do? Please advise me, thank you.

Counselor

Answer


What Shall I Do If My Husband Doesn't Want to Work?

In this counseling answer:

Your mental health is important, and nobody should be allowed to mistreat you. Your health is not only important to you, but also to your child.

Your husband should be the breadwinner and spend on his family. It is not your duty to have the responsibility to support him financially. Even if he can’t afford the most luxurious lifestyle for you, he should spend what he can afford to do.

Sometimes it is worth speaking to the elders to solve issues, as they can help you.


Assalamu Alaikum,

Thank you for reaching out to us for advice. It’s not easy to share something so personal with anyone, you are a brave woman. I will try my best to assist you, InshAllah.

What you are going through is bad and it must be so difficult for yourself to decide, especially when you have a child with him. It is natural to get depressed in your situation, I am sorry for what you must go through. Having a husband who is abusive unsupportive is terrible. It is a husband’s duty to look after his wife and child financially, emotionally, and all other aspects.

Domestic abuse and depression

Abuse is traumatic, whether it is physical or emotional. Living through that can affect you in many ways. Being the victim of violence has caused your depression. According to a review of studies examining more than 36,000 people it showed that women who are in violent relationships have nearly twice the risk of depression.

Your mental health is important, and nobody should be allowed to mistreat you. Your health is not only important to you, but also to your child. If you cannot be happy and satisfied with your life, your child will suffer too. Children notice more than what we think, they can feel it when their parents are upset and unhappy. If you decide about what step to take you to have to think about your child too.

Husband’s duty in Islam

Marriage is a pure and very much respected relationship in Islam. Two people have a very close bond with each other, and they are supposed to take care of one another. It is a husband’s duty in Islam to support his wife and family financially. It is obligatory for him to spend on her because she is available only to her husband and the marriage contract, so he must spend on her and provide for her. She has the right to receive money for food and accommodation even if she is rich.

 Allah says in the Qur’an:

‘’But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.’’ Al-Baqarah (2:233)

Your husband should be the breadwinner and spend on his family. It is not your duty to have the responsibility to support him financially. Even if he can’t afford the most luxurious lifestyle for you, he should spend what he can afford to do.

Allah says:

‘’Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him’’ (Al-Talaaq (65:7))

Unfortunately, some men don’t like to take the responsibility and end up neglecting their family. They get too used to their wife working and supporting them and that’s completely wrong. It is his job, and he should be reminded of his duties.


Check out this counseling video:


Not only is he neglecting you financially, but he is also being abusive, which is so damaging for the marriage. Islam prohibits all forms of oppression and injustice. Allah has mentioned that in the Quran (5:8; 4:135; 42:42-43).

Communication & help

I know being a woman in Asian society is not always so easy. It is hard for a woman to leave her husband and live a life with her child alone. The Asian culture is not very supportive of that and women are still struggling to get accepted as independent individuals, without a man (husband). Have you tried talking to somebody else about it? Your parents, siblings, or someone who is close and trustworthy? If you haven’t, I would suggest that you do. You cannot go through it all alone, it is not fair on you. Sit down with your someone in your family you feel close to and who you know will give wise and sincere advice and support.

Sometimes it is worth speaking to the elders to solve issues, as they can help you. Tell your parents about how he treats you and that he hits you when you ask him to start working, share with them how you feel and how depressed you are. They are your parents and they will understand your pain. You can also try to speak to somebody who your husband respects and is a bit afraid of, as that person can talk to your husband and explain to him where he is wrong. Obviously, you have tried talking to your husband, and it has not gone very well, so I would suggest that you involve more people in now who can help you and support you.

If he doesn’t listen to anyone and upholds the same behavior as he does now, it might be best to think of another more serious solution; leaving him. There is no point in being in a marriage where there is no respect for you and where you are abused. You are a woman and a mother, and you have high value in Islam, do not let anyone bring you down.

Communicate openly with your parents and elders about the problem and seek help. You have to be honest about how he mistreats you and how he refuses to work and puts all burden on you financially. Do not suffer in silence, speak up and try to solve the problem.

May Allah ease your problems and hardships and make it easy for you in every step of life,

Ameen.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Husband Doesn’t Work & He Wastes My Money

The Real Truth about Domestic Abuse and Culture

My Husband Has No Job And Doesn’t Allow Me to Work

 




About Hadia Ali

Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. Email: micha.agr@gmail.com

Add Comment


find out more!