The thing is that anytime my in-laws may or may not come for medical reasons. Due to this, I thought it’s better to stay away from him for this year and solely concentrate on my studies.
My in-laws are good people. Mashaallah, at first, he did not quite like the idea of me staying away from him. Now, I got to know my in-laws will not come for at least 4-5 months. I am taking my mother with me to a far place to pursue my studies.
Now I regret my decision of staying away from him. I paid advance money too. There is no way of cancellation. This matter is eating up my mind because the idea of staying away from him is now killing me.
I am making dua to ease my mental tension. Please advise me on this. Is there a dua to get rid of regret? I am worried Allah will punish me for the decision I made.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• If you have his support to study far away from him, then you should appreciate it and focus on your studies.
• Keep your partner up-to-date on what’s going on around you.
• Focus on the positive. Plan upcoming breaks for when you see each other. This way, you both can look forward to it.
• Communication is the key here. Talk with one another and support in every situation. No matter how far you live from each other, you are still a team and need to work things out together.
• Make time to stay virtually close to your partner.
As-Salaam ‘Aleikom sister,
Thank you for writing to us about your problem. I will try my best to answer your questions, In sha’ Allah.
You must be going through a hard time. It is important to remember that the reason you currently live apart from your husband is because of your studies.
If you have his support to study far away from him, then you should appreciate it and focus on your studies.
I am not saying that it is going to be easy to be far from him, but it will be worth it in the end, In sha’ Allah.
Being in a long-distance relationship is not always easy. The strains are many and intense, and that is why it is important that you both are fully committed to doing the very hard work of being together alone.
Working through difficult times usually strengthens and betters the relationship.
You will be challenged a lot when you are a long-distance couple as you will not have the same opportunities every day to connect, to reassure, to be affectionate, to pick up a conversation that was too hard to finish an hour ago, and to try again and again like couples do when they live together.
It is not an ideal situation for you to live apart from your husband, but you can make it work if you both want to.
You made a decision to complete your studies and made the payments as well, so I believe your studies are important to you.
There is no right or wrong answer to this. What is right is what you feel is right, and Allah (swt) would not punish you for it. Your mental health is important, and you need to think positive.
You are only going to live apart for a year. During that period of time, you can meet your husband during the holidays and whenever you can. Time will pass faster than you realize.
Regret is something we all experience from time to time, and I can understand you may feel more guilt and regret during the times when you miss him.
Regret is a powerful emotion and thinking too much about the decision you have already made will not help with your emotional health.
You need to increase your faith in Allah (swt), trust Him, and pray more. You worry and anxiety will be removed if you seek help by doing acts of worship.
It will have a great effect on the soul. Allah (swt) says:
“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter).” (16:97)
At first, it might be difficult for you to settle alone without him, but here are few points on what you could do to make it easier:
Keep your partner up-to-date on what’s going on around you. Let him know what is happening in your environment. This way, you will create a more vivid image in your partner’s mind of the people and places around you. It is a way to bridge the miles between distant partners.
Focus on the positive. Plan upcoming breaks for when you see each other. This way, you both can look forward to it.
Communication is the key here. Talk with one another and support in every situation. No matter how far you live from each other, you are still a team and need to work things out together.
Make time to stay virtually close to your partner. This doesn’t mean you have to stay in constant Facebook or online chats, but schedule a time each day (or whatever schedule works for you both) when you and your husband simulate, at an emotional level, a geographically close relationship.
I am sure you both will feel more connected if you follow these points, In sha’ Allah.
Check out this counseling video:
In addition, pray and keep faith in Allah (swt), and it will become easier for you, In sha’ Allah.
Believe me, it could have been worse. Some people have to go for studies for many years. You should be happy that you are only going for a year. You have for now a huge importance.
Grab the opportunity and complete your studies. You are lucky you mother is going to be with you to support you there. Believe in yourself.
May Allah (swt) make it easier for you and ease your tension and worries, In sha’ Allah.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.