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My Wife Isn’t Romantic; What to Do?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 30, 2019

Question

As'salamu Alaykum wa'rahmatullahi wa'barakatuhu. My wife is not romantic but she has sexual desires. I also feel shy to be romantic. So, what to do?

Counselor

Answer


My Wife Isn’t Romantic; What to Do?

In this counseling answer:

• Plan romantic evenings or just spending quality time together, but also leave open the possibility for natural romantic desires and connections.

• Learn about each other’s likes and dislikes an experiment with romantic scenarios.

•  Don’t worry or stress over it.

• The two of you spend more time together doing romantic, enjoyable things.


 As Salamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about the issues that you and your wife were having. You stated that you feel shy and that your wife is not romantic, but she does have sexual desires. Brother, I’m not sure how long you have been married. However, if it has been a rather short period, you and your wife may need time to become more familiar with each other in an intimate and romantic way.

Increase Bonding

It is not uncommon for married couples to have sexual desires for one another but not know how to initiate romance. I would kindly suggest that you and your wife discuss what it is that makes you feel romantic. This can be a very creative discussion which insha’Allah, will bring you closer. Discovering what is romantic can be fun, sensual and provide intimate bonding time.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

Brother, every person is different when it comes to what they like regarding romance. Insha’Allah, the key is to find out what each of you enjoys and make efforts towards pleasing each other. Over time, romantic gestures and actions should increase as you get to know your spouse on a deeper level. Insha’Allah, learning about your wife’s likes and dislikes will encourage you to become less shy and more expressive.

Romantic Tips

Oftentimes couples can be shy especially when first married. This shyness tends to go away the more you and your spouse bond as a couple.

I would kindly suggest insha’Allah, that the two of you spend more time together doing romantic, enjoyable things. It could include a candlelight dinner, going for a walk in the park, enjoying special little treats together such as tea and sweets. The more comfortable you feel with each other and your romantic feelings, the easier it will be to have sexual relations.

One of the key points is not to worry or stress over it. When we worry or stress about romance and sexual relations with a spouse, it can interfere with the natural spontaneity of intimacy.

Conclusion

Plan romantic evenings or just spending quality time together, but also leave open the possibility for natural romantic desires and connections.

Learn about each other’s likes and dislikes an experiment with romantic scenarios. Inshallah, you both will become more comfortable and freer with your intimate needs and desires with each other.


Check out this counseling video:


It may take some time to discover all the ways in which romance can add closeness and spice to your intimate life, but it will be time well spent.

Learning how to romance your spouse should be a lifelong process of creative dialogues and activities. During the duration of your marriage ideas of what is romantic may change due to life circumstances, growth and personal needs. Therefore, it is advisable to make romance a priority as it is a lifelong investment in your marriage.

We wish you the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

10 Romantic Sunnahs to Learn from Prophet Muhammad’s Life

Moments of Romantic Love Between the Prophet & Aisha

Spiritual vs. Romantic Love




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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