Are Marital Problems Signs that Allah’s Not Happy with Me?

07 May, 2019
Q Few days ago, I did contact you regarding my marital relationship. Whatever you suggested I started following it. My husband was fine, but now once again fought with me and he is not talking to me either.

Is Allah still unhappy with me? I tried my level best to leave my attitude and respect my husband. I feel I am over doing and now he has taken things for granted and doesn't even visit me and my kids. What can I do? It's out of my boundaries to convince my husband. He hardly stays with us and listens to his mom and brother and overreacts.

I am really depressed upon that there are a lot of issues going on in my brothers’ lives too. I and my family are into so much trouble. Except Allah SWT nobody can help.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•From a spiritual perspective, see tests as a chance to prove yourself to Allah.

•Seek counseling together with your husband.

•Find comfort with Allah, turn to Him, remember Him always, ask for His guidance.

•Give him the space to go through whatever emotions he is going through first and then support him on his return.

•Make sure this situation doesn’t affect your daughter at all as that could have lasting effects on her.


As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

When bad things happen in your life, this is not necessarily a sign that Allah is not happy with you. It could be that He is guiding you to something, perhaps to develop a part of your personality or to take a choice that will lead you to go somewhere. Or perhaps He simply wants you to learn a lesson, test you with patience and give you a chance to show that and develop it.

Sins are exited through enduring the trials that we face, so perhaps it is His way helping you on this front. Only Allah knows why you are going through this. There is no way for you to know or do anything about what He has planned for you, but you can control your response to it.

If you consistently feel that any bad situation in your life is because Allah is not pleased with you, it could have a negative effect especially if you despair at the situation. Instead, there are some things you can do to cope.

Are Marital Problems Signs that Allah’s Not Happy with Me? - About Islam

From a spiritual perspective, see it as a chance to prove yourself to Allah. You can cope with difficult scenarios appropriately in the hope of His Mercy. You are relying on Him to see you through and come to your aid.

If you feel that there are things that you are doing in your life that Allah may be unhappy with, fix them. At least then you don’t have to be fixated on a feeling that you have done wrong by Allah and this test you are presently facing is due to Allah’s displeasure.

It seems that you are going through other difficult scenarios right now too, even outside your marriage, so perhaps this is why you feel like it is some kind of punishment. Instead, as mentioned before, try to draw the positives out of this test.

Know that any test, even down to the pick of a thorn, is a source of expiration of any past sins. So, these tests almost save as a form of purification for your own betterment.

If this is an ongoing issue for you, I would suggest that you and your husband seek counseling together to bring you to a place where you can both talk openly about your emotions without judgement. It will give you both the space to express your feelings and feel listened to.


Check out this counseling video


If counselling is not an option, then you can speak together between yourselves, when other members of the family aren’t present. If he is not talking to you right now, it will require patience in your side.

Give him the space to go through whatever emotions he is going through first and then support him on his return. Once he has returned and is talking to you, you will be better able to have a deeper discussion without making him feel overwhelmed. Trying to push him to talk to you too much whilst he is seemingly taking some space may not be conducive to improving relations.

Whilst you are waiting for him, find comfort with Allah, turn to Him, remember Him always, ask for His guidance. This will provide you with the support you need right now. This will also place you in a better mental frame of mind when dealing with your husband.

Also, even though your husband doesn’t seem to be acknowledging your daughter, you can do your best to make sure this situation doesn’t affect her at all as that could have lasting effects on her.Instead, try to keep things as normal as possible for her and avoid taking your frustrations out on her.

May Allah guide both you and your husband and may He bring contentment back into your marriage.

Amen,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)