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I Miss Intimacy in My Marriage, What to Do?

11 February, 2023
Q Assalamualaikum

I am married for the past 12 years with two kids. Alhamdulillah my husband is a very kind human being but a bit introvert…He doesn’t communicate much with people.

He is a wonderful father and he provide everything needed at home. As I work so I don’t depend on him for my self-expenses. We do go out and take kids out for leisure. The only thing missing is that we are not sexually active...It happen only once or sometimes twice in a month. When I was pregnant with both my kids we didn’t have sex for more than a year and a half. There is no intimacy like hugs, kiss etc...I did complain to him but I get silent treatment. I know he is overstress at work but I wonder how can a man stay without sex for so long. Sometimes this makes me frustrated and makes my moods off. As if our life revolves only for our children. Even if I have other problem n share with him, I will not get the comfort needed…pls advice what should I do, even thought I would not divorce him only for sex. how can I stay happy in this wedding.?

Answer

Aisha Mohammad
11 February, 2023

Try to think about how and when his behavior began. Was he always like this? Or could you relate his change to some event that occurred in his or your marital life?

Exploring these answers would be very helpful. 

Some people have lower sexual drive, and they are OK with little or no intimacy.

This can be a natural disposition, but it can also be caused by medication or by health and mental health issues, for example, depression. 

If he would like to fulfill his duty but cannot, he could also choose to withdraw instead. 

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It would be good to talk about these reasons and see what possibilities there are for improvement or compromise.

Marriage counseling together or individual counseling for each of you would be beneficial. 

What else could help?

Listen to the counselor’s advice here. 

More from Sr. Aisha:

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Marital Intimacy sexual intimacy sexual desires intimacy problems
About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.