What Can I Do with My High Sexual Desires?

09 July, 2020
Q I am embarrassed, I am struggling with high sexual desires. I have to perform ghusl sometimes twice on a day.

This makes me sick. I am an unmarried woman. Alhamdoulillah I know God is choosing the best for me.

I just want to perform my ibadah correctly without this high sexual desires every single day.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

 Do not be embarrassed. What you are going through is quite normal, natural and human. It is not a bad thing or a sinful thing; it is a human thing to have sexual feelings.

Until you get married, I will kindly suggest that when these feelings come upon you, you engage in an activity to get your mind off what your body is feeling.

Divert your attention perhaps to a job task, household chore, reading Qur’an, or making duaa.

Invoking thoughts and actions that are far removed from feeling sexual desire will help you insha’Allah to better control it.

Please do insha’Allah, seek out a suitable marriage partner if possible. Make duaa to Allah that He bless you with a husband soon.

What is important is drawing closer to Allah, reciting Qur’an and doing dhikr.


As salaam alaikum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. Please, do not be embarrassed. What you are going through is quite normal, natural and human.

As you are not married, you have nowhere to channel your sexual desires. This is a very common problem among people who are not married.

It is not a bad thing or a sinful thing; it is a human thing to have sexual feelings.

Sexuality is a Human Feeling

I kindly ask insha’Allah, that you look at this as an indication of being a healthy woman. Having to perform ghusl twice a day may be a bit troublesome in that it is time-consuming. However, may Allah bless you for your efforts in purity.

If you were married, sister, you may still have to perform ghusl a few times a day as you will be having sexual relations with your husband insha’Allah.

These are the things that we must do in order to purify ourselves. Well, at times it may seem cumbersome to our worship.

Please do know that it is required and you will be blessed for your concern about being pure whether you are married or single.

What Can I Do with My High Sexual Desires? - About Islam

Diversion Techniques

Sister, until you get married, I will kindly suggest that when you go through these feelings, you may engage in an activity to get your mind off what your body feels.

Divert your attention perhaps to a job task, household chore, reading Qur’an, or making duaa.

Invoking thoughts and actions that are far removed from feeling sexual desire will help you insha’Allah to better control it.

It may be difficult at first because feeling sexual desire is oftentimes like feeling hunger pains or thirst.

It is a biological natural sensation. What we do with these feelings that matters. If you focus on these feelings and feed into them they could grow. As you are not married right now, there is nowhere for these feelings to go. There is no release.


Check out this counseling video:


So, for now, until you are married, I will kindly suggest that you try diversion techniques. Again, what is important is drawing closer to Allah, reciting Qur’an and doing dhikr.

There are many reliefs and blessings in acts of worship. By increasing acts of worship, your sexual feelings may just start to diminish (so they are manageable) until you are married.

Please do insha’Allah, seek out a suitable marriage partner if possible. Make duaa to Allah that He bless you with a husband soon.

Seek Marriage

Feeling sexual desire is just your body’s way of saying you need to be married which, of course, you already know.

Insha’Allah, these techniques will work for you. It may take some time, consistency, and determination.

Insha’Allah once you do marry, your desires will still be there; however, they will be satisfied correctly in halal way which is within the marriage.

We wish you the best,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.