Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu `Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for sending us your question. I am so sorry to hear about your deteriorating relationship with your husband. I ask Allah (swt) to help you and him make the right decision about your future together and to make it easy on you.
Sister, it seems like you have had a lot of difficulty in your marriage. The first thing that came to my mind was if you and your husband ever sat with each other and seriously discussed these issues. Some things were a bit strange in your description of your situation. You mentioned that you were forced into this marriage, but at the same time your husband does not like your parents. How was he able to marry you in the first place? Has he ever told you why he doesn’t like your parents to the point that he doesn’t want you to see them? This is very extreme behavior that should be addressed immediately. It is even Islamically unacceptable.
You have mentioned that the situation in your marriage has gotten you depressed to the point that you started to think of hurting yourself. This is very serious and you should not be put in this position. Please seek professional attention if you ever have feelings of hurting yourself again. I commend you for reaching out and to try to find a way to make a change in your current situation because it is certainly not healthy and there definitely needs to be a change. You and your husband absolutely have to talk about these issues.
You have mentioned that you have already attempted to talk with him several times, but it all was in vain. Try this time to talk with him in the presence of a marriage counselor who can help the both of you navigate through your emotions and what you really want to do with your marriage. A trained third person can help the both of you understand your situation better and can help you both to make a solution for yourself. Please do not underestimate the power of counseling. Even if it may not save your marriage, it will help you to understand yourself better and to gain more insight to how you handle issues.
Marriage counseling is helpful, but I have to address the fact that it seems like you already made a decision about getting a divorce in your written question. It seems like you are tired in dealing with this situation. I do not blame you for feeling this way. Certainly divorce is halal and an acceptable outlet, especially if you feel that your marriage will not improve since you have tried everything to save it but it did not work. The question you need to ask yourself is “what would I gain by getting a divorce?” and “what would I gain if I stayed married?”
You are really the only one that can decide whether or not you can continue or not. Whatever decision you make, take full responsibility of that decision and do it in the best possible way. If you decide to stay married, than do whatever it takes to make the marriage successful without holding resentment and negativity. And if you decide to get a divorce, than do it in a respectful and considerate manner without anger, negative behavior/language, and be fully convinced of your decision.
As far as your Islamic rights about divorce, please refer to the Ask the Scholar section of our website. I believe that you will need an imam to help you get the Islamic divorce.
Salam,
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