In this counseling answer:
• Make istikharah to Allah for direction.
• Ask your husband to attend marriage counseling with you to try to save the marriage.
As Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,
First, may Allah (swt) reward you for your piety and patience. You are a beautiful sister who deserves to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. You are in an abusive relationship which goes against the principles of Islam and humanity in general. You were not created to be mentally tortured or degraded. Allah (swt) loves you, dear sister.
While we go through tests and trials in this life, staying in an abusive relationship is a choice. My suggestion to you would be to ask your husband to attend marriage counseling with you to try to save the marriage.
Additionally, your husband’s job is to protect you from harm. He should never allow his family to abuse you; however, as he is emotionally and mentally abusive himself, he obviously sees no wrong in his family abusing you, too.
You deserve to be happy, to live in peace, to be surrounded by loving people, and to have a kind, compassionate loving husband.
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Your husband has had haram relationships before your marriage and during your marriage. It appears that along with these sins, the sin of abusing his wife does not affect him either. Unless he is ready to do some serious introspection, repenting to Allah (swt), and living a pious life, as well as getting counseling, I would suggest, dear sister, that you consider separating from him – or even divorce him as last option.
Make istikharah to Allah (swt) for direction; make sure you are safe at all times in your steps towards creating a more happier life. No one has the right to force you to abort your child, to torture you mentally or physically, nor make your life a living hell. That is un-Islamic. You are a pious, intelligent, beautiful sister and a wonderful mom who deserves to live in peace, joy, and free from abuse.
Please do see a counselor in your area for help with your depression and for a supportive resource should you decide to divorce. Marriage in Islam was created as a comfort, as a loving, compassionate union. However, it takes two to ensure this is maintained.
You are in our prayers dear sister. Please let us know how you are doing.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.