As-Salamu `Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for sending us your question. No doubt, you are going through a very difficult time in your marriage, and I ask Allah to help you through this and for your husband to overcome this terrible habit.
There are a lot of untold issues between the both of you. You both need to start being open and honest with each other. There has been damage done due to the fact that your husband was addicted to pornography and hiding this from you. That naturally caused you to be suspicious.
I’m sure you probably felt hurt, confused, frustrated, let down, etc. after you found out of his addiction because it is expected that in a marriage both spouses should be happy and content with each other and should not look elsewhere for their needs to be fulfilled.
Since it raised a lot of suspicion within you that led you to ask questions, and you demanded answers (which you are certainly entitled to). Your husband wasn’t giving you any answers naturally because he wants to continue to hide this terrible habit that he is ashamed of; but at the same time, he does not really want to stop.
Subhan Allah, one dysfunction leads to another, and that lead you to spy on your husband and even trick him into thinking that you were another woman who was interested in having sexual relations with him. Normally spying is considered haram, but since your husband was not being honest with you, you felt the need to spy on him to get answers to your questions.
No doubt your situation is a difficult one. Thirteen years of marriage and three children is a huge investment that you don’t want to leave behind so easily. The question now is what are you going to do? It seems like you may have two options:
May Allah give your husband the insight and strength to overcome his addiction and improve his marriage. I also ask Allah to give you the courage to make the right decision.
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