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Marriage is Dead; So I Fell in Love and Ruined Someone’s Life

19 November, 2022
Q I have been married for 4 years. Throughout my life my wife fights over small things and it builds up. First fight she ran out of the house for 3 weeks to her family. Ask for divorce and mention she has no feelings in the marriage anymore. Second time she ran away from the house for 2 weeks and asked for divorce and says she doesn’t have feelings anymore. The third and fourth time she asked for divorce and says she does not have feelings anymore. The last fight was my breaking point where I don’t feel that this marriage is any more going to work out. We barely speak to each other and since the last fight.

Then I met someone and we started talking. There’s no other person that I could talk to about my problems besides a stranger to get views. Little that I know we fell in love with each other and it goes on. I didn’t know what I was doing till it went too far that I told her that I wanted to be with her. I wanna end my marriage as I don’t feel things going to work out anymore. Soon I realized that circumstances don’t allow it and also, I have a child that I really love and I don’t want my child to suffer, yet it just seems wrong as me and my wife we can’t talk for 6 months and my heart just died ever since the last fight. I told the other person that let me settle my end.

After which I said that I can’t be with her due to circumstances, she got so mad till she mentioned that she will not forgive me for what I have done to her as I ruined her life. I apologize but don't have any answer. Though I can live with it. However, till today I feel guilty. It's been a month. I feel guilty towards Allah for hurting and ruining someone’s life, I perform tauba prayers each day, I feel guilty towards my wife and I feel guilty towards that woman. I feel horrible every single day of my life. How do I live with this guilt?

I wrong doed myself and I hurt others and I feel remorse. I fell for someone that I can’t be with. I hurt people around me. Knowing that the Almighty is all forgiving I believe He could forgive me. However, with others, I can’t.

I tried to fix my marriage however my heart already felt empty and I don’t feel the love anymore.

I felt that this is the consequences of my actions and now I’m facing it. I don’t know what to do and I really hope that I can undo everything. But I know we met someone for a reason. It’s a test yet I failed. What should I do?

Answer

Being in a marriage like this is hurtful. It leads to painful consequences and makes you more vulnerable. It can make you prone to seeking love and attention in a prohibited way.

You have to reflect on your feelings and make a decision: either you try to save your marriage or go for a divorce.

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If you choose the first option, then you need to make an action plan about how to resolve present issues and work on your relationship. Seek marriage counseling

If you decide to divorce, take time to heal your wounds before entering into a new relationship. 

Click on the video and listen to the full advice. 

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.