As-Salamu `Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for writing us. May Allah (swt) give you the strength and faith to stay on His path and keep away from what He forbids.
Your words reveal how much you are in a state of internal conflict and struggle and that you desperately need a way out of this evil spiral you feel you are trapped inside. Alhamdulillah, dear sister, that you are trying your best to save yourself and your family from the tragic, negative consequences that could result from surrendering to the evil whispers of nafs (self) and Satan.
I know that you know such feelings and thoughts are just some kinds of infatuation and lust and that by some resistance and persistence you will be able to overcome them, in sha’ Allah. You are much stronger than some temporary, negative whispers that would gradually fade away. You are stronger by your faith and love for Allah (swt); you are stronger by the great mission you are working to fulfill which is building a Muslim family full of love, warmth, and faith. You are stronger by the love and support Allah (swt) has given you through your beloved husband. Remember these!
Everyone is prone to whispers of nafs and Satan; however, the winner is the one who is able to work on weakening such thoughts until they totally fade away. It is a personal decision you have to take; it is not something out of your control or imposed on you.
I am not saying that you don’t need help from others; rather one of the very important steps to take is to seek the help of trusted people around you. You don’t have to tell them details of the situation; you just have to be in good company who will help you to be involved in positive and beneficial activities, to be distracted from the negative whispers, and to be surrounded by the emotional support any individual gets from being in the shield of a good company.
Your work should be on distracting your thoughts and trying to replace them with good, fruitful thoughts that add value to yourself, to your child, to your marriage, to your community. It may be that when thoughts are directly challenged and faced, they get clingier. So, in changing thoughts, it could be better that you don’t fight them and you don’t fight with yourself; you just try to give them the least importance and instead replace them gradually with positive thoughts that drift the negative thoughts away and take their place firmly.
One aspect you should ponder on is whether there is something missing in your marriage or your life in general; some emotional needs that are not fulfilled and which could be having this pressure on you and making you seeking to fulfill them through this “relationship”. Write down all your feelings, emotions, needs, fears, worries, etc., think about them, and see what you could work on to fulfill the gap.
Keep your tongue wet with the remembrance of Allah (swt) and maintain the weapon of du`aa’ as well as seeking Allah’s (swt) help and support.
Keep all possible doors closed in the face of that person and in the face of Satan, whether it be social media, email, phone, and any other door.
Finally, if you feel you are in need of more help, I strongly advise you to seek the help of a professional counselor who could take you by your hands and be by your side step by step until you get out of this dark hole, in sha’ Allah.
I pray to Allah (swt) that I have been able to help you through my words and my du`aa’. If you feel you need further assistance, please feel free to write back to us.
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