I’m Married, but in Love with Another Man

10 July, 2018
Q As-salamu `alaykum. I am married, but I am in love with another man who is my chat friend. He is also married, and although we know that we will not meet each other in the future, we still like to share and discuss many things. I want to know if this is right in Islam or what we should do. We cannot continue just talking to each other. Please help.


In this counseling answer:

• Repent to Allah (swt) and seek His forgiveness.

• Make a special effort to sit down with your husband and discuss your relationship.

As-Salamu `Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. Be thankful to Allah (swt) Most High who has guided you to reach out and get help to deal with this situation. As a married woman, you are no doubt quite aware of the severe punishment that awaits those who commit adultery. Although you are in love with someone you only chat to, Islam discourages us from even approaching adultery. Here are some thoughts for you to consider.

Repent to Allah

First, accept your sin, stop having any contact with this man, feel remorse in your heart, and begin the process of repenting to Allah (swt) Most High. You must realize that a marriage is a sacred contract and that Allah (swt) has not only witnessed your signing of that contract but He (swt) is All-Seeing and All-Knowing! Some people mistakenly think that an Internet-based relationship does not qualify as sinful behavior. A private chat or e-mail correspondence might seem to occur out of the public eye, but let none of us ever be so arrogant as to forget Allah (swt) knows of our public, our private, and yes, even our “virtual” behavior.

Actually, because Islam’s teachings are both timeless and universal, a sin is committed any time or any place a man or a woman transgresses the bounds set by Allah (swt) Most High with regards to the rights and responsibilities of the spouses towards Allah (swt) and towards one another. Please realize that you need to end this chatting and never go back to it—ever! Repent to Allah (swt) and seek His forgiveness.

Check out this counseling video:

Analyze your marital relationship

Second, ask yourself how you would feel if you knew that your husband had a chat friend with whom he is in love. It would be devastating for sure, and the trust in the relationship would break down. You need to stop and analyze your own marital relationship and ask yourself the toughest questions of all

  • What has driven me to betray my husband?
  • What is missing in my marriage that I am trying to compensate for through my relationship with this chat friend?

Be firm with yourself and try to write down your responses so that you can read and re-read your own thoughts. You will find that there is absolutely never any justification for betraying one’s spouse.

Finally, we want you to do your best restore love, compassion, and trust, in your own marital relationship. Make a special effort to sit down with your husband and discuss your relationship. Do not place blame, do not bicker with one another, rather, make du`aa’ (supplication) together for Allah (swt) to bless your relationship and to guide you both to be the best spouses to each other.

Also, make a commitment to restore your relationship with Allah (swt). Repent to Allah (swt); seek His forgiveness and His assistance in putting an end to your relationship with your chat friend. Change your screen name, your e-mail address, and make every effort never again to be tempted by Satan into falling in love with anyone except your husband!

Allah (swt) knows best.


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Dr. Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah
Dr. Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah is a Research Fellow at the Institute for Social Science Study’s Community Education and Youth Studies Laboratory, Universiti Putra Malaysia. He received his B.A. from the University of Delaware (U.S.), his M.S. from Columbia University (U.S.) and his PhD from the Institute for Community & Peace Studies (PEKKA), Universiti Putra Malaysia in 2005 in the field of Youth Studies. Abd. Lateef is an American who has been living in Malaysia since 2001. He is married and has 2 children.