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I Cheated on My Husband; Do I Need to Seek a Divorce?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 18, 2019

Question

Assalamu Aleikom. I committed a sin. I have 3 children. I had sex with another person. How can I tell my husband this?

Can I continue my relationship with my husband, or shall I seek a divorce? Please guide me!

Counselor

Answer



In this counseling answer:

• Try not to disrupt things for your children. Allow them to continue to live life, as they would do normally; attend the school, doing their usual activities.

• If your husband chooses not to forgive you and seek a divorce, then he is within his rights to do so.

• Empathize for how he may feel by thinking how you would feel if things were the other way around and he had had an affair behind your back. You need to be patient.

• Make sure any discussions that you have with your husband are not in front of your children.

• Seek marriage counseling.

• Continue to turn to Allah and ask for His forgiveness.


Wa Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh sister,

The first thing to do in this case is to take your sin to Allah and seek His forgiveness. You should also seek the forgiveness of your husband also. Depending on his reaction will determine where your marriage goes from here as to whether you will be able to get a divorce or continue your relationship.

If your husband chooses not to forgive you and seek a divorce, then he is within his rights to do so. In which case, be prepared that things will be difficult for you and make the necessary arrangements to get the support where you need it.

I’m sure you are aware that there are people that may not be willing due to your wrongdoing, but in sha Allah there is someone in your family who will be able to do so for the sake of the children at the very least.

If it is the case that you divorce, the most important thing is to ensure that the children are affected as little as possible. Often in the cases of divorce, it is the children that suffer the most. Try not to disrupt things for them. Allow them to continue to live life as they would do normally; attend the school, doing their usual activities. Things will be difficult for them as life changes so do your best to make things as smooth as possible during this time and let them not be witness to any animosity between you and your husband.

However, there is every chance that if you come forward and confess to your husband that he will forgive you and allow the relationship to continue. In this case, understand that he may have difficulties trusting you for some time and this may cause disputes between you moving forward.

Empathize for how he may feel by thinking how you would feel if things were the other way around and he had had an affair behind your back. You will both need to be patient in building the trust back again and you will likely need to work hard to bring things back to a good place again.


Check out this counseling video:


Even if you stay together, there’s a chance that your children will feel the effect of the unusual relations between you and your husband as you try to make amends. Make sure any discussions that you have with your husband are not in front of your children. Try not to disrupt their usual routine during this time so as not to affect them as a result.

If necessary, it might be that you require marriage counseling to deal with the consequences of your actions and to assist you both in moving forward successfully.

All this while, continue to turn to Allah and ask for His forgiveness. Ask Him to guide you that you will not fall into such sin again.

At the same time, you should learn from your errors and do all you can to ensure you don’t end up in a situation where you would commit such a sin again. You know how you fell into it so you know what to avoid in future.

Also, continue to strengthen your relationship with Allah by constantly engaging in acts of worship. This will reinforce your fear of Allah that you will avoid committing sin for fear of His punishment.

May Allah forgive you and guide you away from sin. May He protect your marriage and make things easy for your family as you move on from this incident.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Cheated on My Fiancée; I Feel Guilty

I Just Discovered My Wife Has Been Cheating on Me

My Husband Has Another Woman in His Heart




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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