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My Husband Has Another Woman in His Heart

06 June, 2022
Q Salam. For the last 2 years, my husband has been having an extramarital affair with another girl. He wanted to marry her but later dropped the idea. He still claims that the girl has a special place in his heart and this will continue until his death.

I am hurt because despite I have forgiven all his mistakes, I am with him. I fulfill all the duties of a wife. Yet, I do not have that only and special place in his heart.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•If you do not know why he dropped the idea of marrying this other lady, dear sister, and he still talks about her, I would kindly ask.

•Perhaps he is taking his own guilt and remorse out on you instead of facing his own inadequacies and sins.

•You may want to go for marriage counseling.

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•Be extra good to yourself during this time, take walks, socialize with friends for up building and support, attend Ramadan prayers and events, and stay close to Allah.


As salamu alaikum,

Sister, I am sorry to hear about your husband’s extramarital affair.

May Allah bless you for your patience, efforts, your willingness to forgive, and your continued support of your husband.

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A Heart that Has Been Hurt

I can imagine this is so hurtful, especially as he told you she would always have a special place in his heart.

What kind of a man says that to his wife? Anyhow, sister, insha’Allah as he grows in his faith and knowledge perhaps his mind will be able to comprehend his grave errors.

Insha’Allah he recognizes as well as the beautiful, wonderful pearl that is his wife.

Sister, you stated that he did want to marry this woman but later dropped the idea. I am wondering why.

If you do not know why he dropped the idea of marrying this other woman, dear sister, and he still talks about her, I would kindly ask.

It could be that her family declined him or forbid her to marry him. It could be she told him no.

Sister, I can imagine you are very hurt. You have sacrificed a lot and you have put up with a lot.

You do not deserve this you deserve much better.

My Husband Has Another Woman in His Heart - About Islam

Sister, he may say she has a place in his heart but perhaps the feeling he has is guilt not affection at this point.

His words to you were hurtful and I am sure he knows that.

Perhaps he is taking his own guilt and remorse out on you instead of facing his own inadequacies and sins.

He is blessed to have you as a wife, sister.

Marriage Counseling

At this point, you may want to go for marriage counseling.

I kindly advise you to address this with him to improve and rebuild your marriage insha’Allah.


Check out this counseling video


In the meantime, sister, inshallah, please try not to take his cheating personal.

I know that is very hard. I am sure you have a very special place in his heart.

However, right now he is just a very selfish sinful man.

Be Good to Yourself

Please, be extra good to yourself during this time; take walks, socialize with friends for up building and support, attend Ramadan prayers and events, and stay close to Allah.

In time, insha’Allah, this pain will pass and he will come to his right mind.

If he does not, or if there is a repeat of his infidelity, you do have other options sister.

You are in our prayers.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

My Husband is Fond of Having Girlfriends

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/i-found-messages-from-women-in-my-husbands-phone/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/girlfriend-asking-for-the-wifes-forgiveness-2/

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.