Firstly, I am afraid of ‘Eid because of what it reminds us of; just remembering those moments breaks my heart. Secondly, how can we overcome our grief and enjoy ‘Eid especially that I have three kids of ages 3, 5 and 8 and seeing me in this condition would have a great negative effect on enjoying their ‘Eid. Please advise me.
In this counseling answer:
• This is a wonderful time for remembering the joys and the times you spent together.
• Invite a friend to help you with your children during this time. Ask a friend to help you make Eid fun for your children.
• Let his death lead you also to even a greater understanding of Life, for Allah is Life.
I am so sorry for your loss. This may be a difficult answer to accept at first, but trust me with this: Let your sorrow be a blessing to you. This kind of sadness and grief is really a healthy and natural process. It is painful, I know, but, this is how the soul is refined. And when you find yourself on the other side of this sorrow, you will find that your soul is stronger and your celestial joy has increased even if you are somewhat more refined.
What I am trying to say is: Remember; this is a wonderful time for remembering the joys and the times you spent together. Laugh and cry. Remember and grieve. Oh, how many emotions Ibrahim must have felt on his tumultuous journey, what he surely let go of, and gave up to Allah. What he received in return. There is an understanding, and spiritual truth, with increased awareness that you will achieve as you work through this.
I understand your concern for your children. But life is life, and they have a grieving parent. I suggest you invite a friend to help you with your children during this time. Ask a friend to help you make Eid fun for your children. But still, gather memories of your father and put them in a special place for a time so that you can remember. Gather your family together and tell stories of the times you had with him. Let your children remember Grandfather. Make his physical presence be real again, and his death is more real, and his spirit most real. This is a healthy way to grieve and Eid can actually help you process your grief.
Check out this counseling video:
There is light at the end of the seemingly endless dark deep tunnel. I can tell you, I have been there too, so please trust me. If you surrender to this process, you will not be the same person you were before, but that is good. You will be better and your understanding of eternal life, that which is beyond the veil, will increase as will your understanding of how you are close to Allah. You father led you during this temporary earthly life for a while; let his death lead you also to even a greater understanding of Life, for Allah is Life.
Thank you so much for writing in. My prayers are with you, you are not alone.
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