Answer
In this counseling answer:
• You need to use a combination of self-discipline as well as refocusing your time on more meaningful and constructive activities.
• Could you replace some of that time looking at pictures of women for doing more constructive things?
• Having more knowledge of Allah and His deen will help you to think twice about engaging in something that is hated by Allah.
• Remove the source of the temptations that exist in your life.
As-Salamu `Alaikum,
Thank you for your question brother. Alhamdulillah that you have contacted this site for help trying to overcome masturbating which, as you know, is looked down upon in our deen.
Unfortunately, however, for many of our young, single men, exposure to so many visual stimulants every day in the form of over-sexualized images of women makes it hard. Especially for those living in the West, there is a constant bombardment of such images that make lowering the gaze a way of life.
There are so many harmful aspects of this practice of masturbation that you can read about on other places, including this site, so I will not go into them at length here. However, being that you are so young and I would imagine not in a position to marry at the present time, you need to use a combination of self-discipline as well as refocusing your time on more meaningful and constructive activities.
One of the facts about people who become addicted to porn, for example, is that many such addicts find a lot of time to do it. They are bored. They have a void in their lives that is often in the form of intimacy and connection to others that get filled with porn. Their lives are not filled with meaningful, healthy activities that not only fill their time but direct their attention to more constructive endeavors. I think you should consider this as well.
Reflect and do some self-examination. How do you spend your time usually? Could you replace some of that time looking at pictures of women for doing more constructive things? How about devoting some time to acquiring more knowledge of your religion? Or joining a youth organization or a sports team?
Having more knowledge of Allah and His deen will help you to think twice about engaging in something that is hated by Allah. But turning away and denying yourself is only half the battle. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an that fasting is useful for reducing the desire to engage in sexual activity. You can try fasting on a regular basis to help reduce your desire.
Check out this counseling video:
Also, you can try to disconnect from and remove the source of the temptations that exist in your life. If you are used to looking at pictures of women on the Internet, for example, then maybe you should move your computer into a public space in your home or wherever you live so that you will not be able to access the pictures that are facilitating this kind of behavior.
Whatever it is, you need to be proactive and act in a way that is good for you. It’s not going to fall from the sky, and it’s not going to be easy. Addictions are difficult to overcome, especially when they relate to sex and drugs. Therefore, it’s going to be a struggle, but one that you have to try your best to overcome.
You should be making du’aa’ and asking Allah (swt) to make it easy for you to stop and then do what you can to realize what you desire. That is true du’aa’; asking and working for it. Allah (swt) will only change you if you make the sincere desire – through action – to change.
You need to think seriously about this because masturbation is the kind of problem that can haunt you even after you are married. It can affect your ability to perform sexually with your wife later on and could cause much havoc with your marital relations. The time to do something is now.
Please write to us again if you have any follow up question or comment,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.