Parents Argue A Lot, What Should I Do?

08 June, 2020
Q My parents argue a lot, and it upsets me (sometimes even sends me to tears.) My mom always wants to be right and my dad screams at her.

I'm the oldest sister in the family. Is there anything I can do? I feel helpless being only 15 years old. I'm so scared that my parents might get divorced.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Possibly just sitting down with them and expressing your grief regarding their arguing may “wake them up” to the devastation they are causing.

•Additionally, a counselor may be successful in getting your parents to engage in family therapy which may begin to address the marriage problem.

•When they argue, remove yourself from the area by either going for a walk (if the time is right) or engaging in a positive activity to get your mind off of their issues.


As salamu alaykum sister,

I am so sorry to hear about your parents arguing and the natural negative impact it is having on you. It must be very stressful and cause much pain for you to have to hear this.

Expressing your feeling

While what is going on is between your parents, you may want to consider asking them if you can talk to them (when things are calm), and expressing your feelings regarding their arguing.

Often times parents are so caught up in their own issues they forget how their behavior is impacting their children.

Possibly just sitting down with them and expressing your grief regarding their arguing may “wake them up” to the devastation they are causing.

If you are unable to express your feelings in words, write them a letter, then ask if you can have a family meeting to discuss it.

Parents Argue A Lot, What Should I Do?- About Islam

If not, I would kindly suggest insha’Allah that you seek counseling to learn how to deal with this situation which could cause problems with grades in addition to the emotional stress.

Marriage counseling

A counselor may be able to assess the situation with more knowledge of the family dynamics than what is presented here and may be able to offer more viable and relevant coping skills and support.

Additionally, a counselor may be successful in getting your parents to engage in family therapy which may begin to address the marriage problem.

A good place to start insha’Allah is to see if your Masjid offers counseling services to teens, if not check with your school or your family physician.

Engaging in a positive activity

I would kindly ask that you try to not let it affect you too much as hard as that is. If possible, when they argue, remove yourself from the area by either going for a walk (if the time is right) or engaging in a positive activity to get your mind off of their issues. Make duaa and/or do dhzkir during these times, read Qur’an-seek refuge in Allah.

You are not alone dear sister, many children must sadly endure years of listening to their parents argue, fearing silently that they will divorce.


Check out this counseling video 


Conclusion

Most of the time the parents still love each other, they just forgot how to communicate in a civil and loving way.

Make duaa for them asking Allah SWT to open their hearts to their actions and to guide them towards an Islamic and loving way of communicating and living with one another.

You are in our prayers sister, please let us know how you and your family are doing.

Salam

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My Parents Argue All the Time, Please Help!

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.