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My Teenage Sons Taking Drugs, What To Do?

Questioner

V (43-female-UK)

Reply Date

Aug 22, 2019

Question

Assalamu Alaikum, I am a mother living abroad with my children left over in India for their higher studies. They are 18 & 19 years old. Now the problem is they have entered in a bad habit of smoking and also they are adding something to that which they cannot stop now. It is affecting their studies and behavior. I am totally worried. I am always praying to Allah for my children. Please help me with an advice. Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


Teenage Sons Taking Drugs

In this counseling answer:

•You must continue to try and talk with your children whenever you get the chance about how much you dislike their behavior and how much it hurts you. Don’t pester them, but just let them know from time to time that these things they are doing really HURT you.

•Remember to treat them as adults, not children, for they are already 18 and 19 and living on their own. But you are still their mother and your feelings and opinion should still matter to them. That message should be clear that their behavior is unhealthy and it hurts you.


As-Salamu `Alaykum,

Dear sister, thank you for writing to us. It must be so difficult for you as a mother to see your children engaging in undesirable behaviors while being so far away from home. You must feel helpless. Don’t despair, however, for Allah is the Lord of all of His creation and His Dominion is absolute. Therefore, you must do two things:

Firstly, you must continue to try and talk with your children whenever you get the chance about how much you dislike their behavior and how much it hurts you. Don’t pester them, but just let them know from time to time that these things they are doing really HURT you.

My Teenage Sons Taking Drugs, What To Do? - About Islam

Remember to treat them as adults, not children, for they are already 18 and 19 and living on their own. But you are still their mother and your feelings and opinion should still matter to them. That message should be clear that their behavior is unhealthy and it hurts you.

Secondly, you must draw close to Allah. You must make sure that you are fulfilling Allah’s rights over you without question; i.e. never miss your 5 daily prayers and everything else. We cannot expect our prayers to be answered when we are not fulfilling at least our basic responsibilities as Muslims. On top of that, you should try your utmost to pray Tahajjud (optional late night Prayer) and hajat prayer (prayer to seek refuge in Allah for the fulfillment of needs) regularly, at least one night per week.


Check out this counseling video


Try to wake up before Subh Prayer (Dawn Prayer) and pray Tahajjud followed by hajat, asking Allah for your children to move away from these negative behaviors. Try to make it a consistent practice as well, rather than just a one shot thing. The night prayer is incredibly powerful if we are able to do it sincerely. Night time is the time when the veils are removed and we can open up our hearts to our Lord.

Finally, don’t lament if Allah’s response to your prayer is not immediately what you hoped for. Allah’s wisdom is often beyond our ability to comprehend, but as a mother, that hajat prayer will most definitely be heard. You will just need to be patient and not give up.

Trust in Allah and what He has for you and your children, and trust that even if it is not immediately, eventually they will see that what they are doing is not healthy and move away from those behaviors. If your husband is still around, you can invite him to do the same.

Given the distance between you and your children, compounded by the fact that they are so far away, Allah is giving you a new opportunity to turn to Him with your pleas and prayers. Take advantage of it by making time for Him.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 




About Dr. Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah

Dr. Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah is a Research Fellow at the Institute for Social Science Study’s Community Education and Youth Studies Laboratory, Universiti Putra Malaysia. He received his B.A. from the University of Delaware (U.S.), his M.S. from Columbia University (U.S.) and his PhD from the Institute for Community & Peace Studies (PEKKA), Universiti Putra Malaysia in 2005 in the field of Youth Studies. Abd. Lateef is an American who has been living in Malaysia since 2001. He is married and has 2 children.

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