My Son Is Homosexual!

08 January, 2021
Q My young homosexual son has gone on your site and viewed the comments on homosexuality. He has been very confused throughout his life and has gone through the years in isolation and self-hate.

We all know that modern religions supposedly condemn homosexuality, yet why would God make a human gay if He hated it? God doesn't hate, but society does. My son is in his 20s and after viewing your comments, he tried again, very hard this time around to "change" but now he is even more confused, self-hating, and destructive.

His hatred towards Islam and Muslims is at a point that I cannot even control his anger. Why? I told him that God knows His creations, His justifications, and that is fine. Many problems are better left to families and individuals to solve, instead of seeking help from people whose job is to be self-righteousness. I am so glad to have such a responsible son and one that has taken his relationship with God so seriously.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

“I have no doubt that your son is kind and responsible. He is probably also very sensitive. This is a good quality, in a man as well as in a woman. What I would ask of him now is to try to submit himself fully to God.

Increase his prayer and fasting. Increase his reading of the Qur’an. Develop his sense of “God-consciousness.” If he does these things with an open heart and no distractions, I think he will find his answer.”


As-salamu `alaikum,

In your question, you say you respect your son because “he has taken his relationship with God so seriously.” That’s great, ma sha’ Allah.

I’m assuming from what you said that he wants to be a Muslim, but he feels frustrated by how Muslims have treated him. I agree that sometimes Muslims can be judgmental and close-minded.  

I’ve also had that problem on occasion. When in doubt, I always turn to the Qur’an because all Muslims know the Qur’an is the revealed word of God.

Verses in the Qur’an state:

{Of all the creatures in the world, will you approach males, and leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay, you are a people transgressing (all limits)!} (Ash-Shurah 26:165–166)

I don’t see any other way of interpreting this passage except to say that a man should approach a woman rather than a man as a mate. To do otherwise is to transgress.


Check out this counseling video


Your son does sound like a nice and sincere person. It seems he is frustrated because he is attracted to males rather than females, in spite of social norms and religious teachings.

You ask, “why would God make a human gay if He hated it?”  I ask, how can we claim that God has made a human gay? Is it truly from God, as you contend, or are there contributory factors in his life? 

God revealed the Qur’an, and if we find words of the Qur’an condemning homosexuality or any other action, then we must assume that God condemns that action. If God condemns an action, of course, He would not compel someone to perform that which He hates.

You describe your son as “confused.” For whatever reason, he has an attraction to males rather than females. Yet he has heard, as is stated in the verse, that this is wrong. You stated he tried to “change,” without success. Maybe he needs to try a different approach.

Being a Muslim means to submit ourselves to God. We must learn to let go of our own desires and our own opinions, and trust God to show us the right way to live.

I have no doubt that your son is kind and responsible. He is probably also very sensitive. This is a good quality, in a man as well as in a woman. What I would ask of him now is to try to submit himself fully to God.

My Son Is Homosexual! - About Islam

Increase his prayer and fasting. Increase his reading of the Qur’an. Develop his sense of “God-consciousness.” If he does these things with an open heart and no distractions, I think he will find his answer.

From an article published on homosexuality and therapy by Nadia El-Awady

Therapy

Today, children all over the developed world from kindergarten through college are being taught that homosexuality is a normal, healthy lifestyle option with no disadvantages other than society’s disapproval.

Sexually confused teenagers are encouraged to investigate homosexual relationships when they are too young to make critical lifestyle decisions. If they seek counseling, they are told that change from homosexuality is impossible.

Gender-disturbed children are no longer helped to become more comfortable with their own biological sex, or with the same-sex peers they have been avoiding. Instead, counselors tell their parents, “Your child is fine — the only problem is with society.”

When gay advocates reframed the public debate as a discussion about “who one is” rather that “what one does,” they successfully intimidated dissenters by casting them as personally bigoted and hateful.

As a result, most people who defend the reality of male-female design have been embarrassed into public silence.

Dr. Byrd, Vice President of NARTH, asks in an article published in the Salt Lake City Tribune:

Is homosexuality immutable? Is it fixed, or is it amenable to change? The 1973 decision to delete homosexuality from the Diagnostic Manual of the American Psychiatric Association had a chilling effect on research.

The APA decision was not made based on new scientific evidence, in fact, as gay activist researcher Simon LeVay admitted, “Gay activism was clearly the force that propelled the APA to declassify homosexuality.”

In reviewing the research, Satinover reported a 52% success rate in the treatment of unwanted homosexual attraction. Masters and Johnson, the famed sex researchers, reported a 65% success rate after a five-year follow-up. Other professionals report success rates ranging from 30-70% The Argument That Has No Basis.

Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, better known as the architect of dhtmled1://www.narth.com/docs/innate.htmlthe 1973 APA decision to delete homosexuality from the Diagnostic Manual, revealed a provocative new study in the APA’s annual meeting of May 9, 2001.

After meeting a group of ex-gays that gathered at the 1999 APA annual meeting to prove that homosexuality could be changed, Dr. Spitzer decided to perform a study on ex-gays to see whether or not homosexuality could actually be changed.

To the surprise of the researchers themselves, good heterosexual functioning was reportedly achieved by 67% of the men who had rarely or never felt any opposite-sex attraction before the change process. Nearly all the subjects said they now feel more masculine (in the case of men) or more feminine (women).

Dr. Spitzer concluded his study by saying, “Contrary to conventional wisdom, some highly motivated individuals, using a variety of change efforts, can make substantial change in multiple indicators of sexual orientation, and achieve good heterosexual functioning.”

Most of the subjects in the study revealed that their religious faith was very important in their lives, and about three-quarters of the men and half of the women had been heterosexually married by the time of the study.

Most had sought change because a gay lifestyle had been emotionally unsatisfying. Many had been disturbed by promiscuity, stormy relationships, a conflict with their religious values, and the desire to be (or to stay) heterosexually married.

Typically, the effort to change did not produce significant results for the first two years. Subjects said they were helped by examining their family and childhood experiences, and understanding how those factors might have contributed to their gender identity and sexual orientation.

Same-sex mentoring relationships, behavior therapy techniques, and group therapy were also mentioned as particularly helpful. (Gay Advocate Believes Change Is Possible )

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About Hwaa Irfan
Late Hwaa Irfan, may her soul rest in peace, served as consultant, counselor and freelance writer. Her main focus was on traditional healing mechanisms as practiced in various communities, as opposed to Western healing mechanisms.