In this counseling answer:
“The family that you stayed with and tried to guide you rightly, are they still not there? Can they not guide you as to the real situation that is transpiring between your mother and stepfather? Can you not explain to them your concerns so that they can help you judge what to do for the best? And even if you decide to go ahead and see how your mother is, then, at least, you will be properly informed beforehand as to the real situation.”
Greetings my dear son.
I have no idea how you found us, or what made you write to us as a non-Muslims. The “B” word you use to introduce yourself is such an ugly word, a word without value or meaning. Islamically, it is not an appropriate word, because although you may have been born out of wedlock, in Islam the sins of the parents remains their sin, it can not be passed onto you for you were born without sin.
What can I say despite all that has happened, you at your age, have managed to achieve what many of your peers do not achieve. Out of a broken home, a home from which you raised yourself, you are a man not a boy, who is honest with himself, who is aware of his strengths and weaknesses, and knows what he has to do. You have deep sense of right and what is wrong, which from an Islamic viewpoint is a result of your fitrah, which have not become alienated from.
“Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) said: No babe is born but upon Fitrah. It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist. A person said: Allah’s Messenger, what is your opinion if they were to die before that (before reaching the age of adolescence when they can distinguish between right and wrong)? He said: It is Allah alone Who knows what they would be doing” (Muslim 33 #6426)
“Your fitrah is “… in this sense, is the faculty, which He has created in mankind, of knowing Allah. It is the natural constitution with which the child is created in his mother’s womb, whereby he is capable of accepting the religion of truth” – Yasien Muhammad.
You have much to be angry about, and you are aware where your anger can get you, but right now you are facing certain decisions all demanding attention.
-What holds you back from going to see how your mother is, is your education, and the need to find reasonable employment
-What prevents you from going is if your rage comes into contact with your stepfather, and painful memories.
However, there is a third option. The family that you stayed with and tried to guide you rightly, are they still not there? Can they not guide you as to the real situation that is transpiring between your mother and stepfather? Can you not explain to them your concerns so that they can help you judge what to do for the best? And even if you decide to go ahead and see how your mother is, then, at least, you will be properly informed beforehand as to the real situation.
The main prophet of Muslims, Prophet Muhammad advised: “He who does not respect our elder, or is not merciful to the young… “ (Abu Dawud, No.4921, & At-Tirmidhi, No.1925)
You are worried about your grades, so just take every opportunity as time-out from what is going on around you, by keeping the basic study aids with you so that you can refer to it.
When you see your mother, remember your studies, and when you see your stepfather (if there is a need to see him), see him with a member of the family, and remember your studies, and, think of other part time work other than working in a Take Away/Eatery, that pays more, and demands less – even your technical wizardry with the Internet and Intranet could be legally applied for pay, in service for a company that would allow you to work from a home computer. And when things get really tough, know that He is always looking over your shoulder – how else did you get this far!?
You are handy with the Internet, so use it to help you find a part-time job, even one related somehow to the studies you want to pursue – It’s time to have a little faith in yourself, my son.
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