Answer
In this counseling answer:
“For one thing, you have a good husband. That not only indicates that Allah has been generous and kind towards you, but also that you attract good people. Meaning that there are some good qualities in you that are still alive. If you foster them, it will help you increase your self-esteem and courage! No matter how great our parents are, they always seem to leave an imprint of doing too much of this or too little of that, such that everyone suffers from something that has resulted from something their parents did or didn’t do.”
As-salamu `Alaikum dear sister,
I am so sorry to hear that your mother treated you in such a way. That is surely painful and emotionally abusive. Mothers are humans too, and they too are accountable for their actions to Allah. Oppression in any form is not acceptable, and what she did is not okay, even if she is your mother. Allah does not oppress and He does not permit anyone to do so.
Given that you still suffer from low self-esteem and lack courage, you are likely to feel resentful towards her until you see that you are able to relinquish those qualities and more despite your upbringing. Every human has the capacity towards resilience, and you undoubtedly are resilient in many ways. It is hard for you to see your strength because it seems like it has been difficult for you to validate your pain. Your pain is valid!! She wronged you, and you surely did not deserve that. Although it may feel like it, you are not damaged goods.
Consider…
For one thing, you have a good husband; that not only indicates that Allah has been generous and kind towards you, but also that you attract good people towards you; meaning that there are some good qualities in you that are still alive and, if you let them, will help you increase your self-esteem and courage! No matter how great our parents are, they always seem to leave an imprint of doing too much of this or too little of that, such that everyone suffers from something that has resulted from something their parents did or didn’t do.
Why do I tell you this? I tell you this because you are not alone!! Millions of successful people come from histories of abuse and millions more are unsuccessful despite their histories of no abuse! Children that experience no adversity have a greater likelihood of being brittle and unable to handle the slightest challenge.
Check out this counseling video
I strongly encourage you to get some individual counseling in which you can do more thorough work on your pain. This need not necessarily be with a Muslim counselor, though you might prefer it to be. Either way, counseling is something that will likely benefit you. Your case is very common, and you could gain some peace of mind and actually grow by processing your pain.
I pray that Allah help you and be with you.
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