Answer
In this counseling aswer:
“According to Sharia, there is no mention of an obligation to observe the slaughtering. So, the idea of letting children watch the slaughtering would not be seen from the perspective of obligation. Rather, we could do this in the context of teaching our children the story of Prophet Ibrahim and his son Isamil and the lessons we get from this story mainly surrendering to Allah’s will. So, the point would not be merely observing the scene in itself.”
As-salaamu alaikum,
Jazak Allah Khairan for writing in. This Mashaa Allah is a very good question and although it clearly requires a ruling from a religious scholar from a Shari point of view, I can discuss some of the psychosocial aspects Inshaa Allah.
Potentially Distrubring Factors
There are many factors that influence a child’s reactions to potentially disturbing events. These include the child’s personality, his cognitive ability, his emotional maturity, past experiences, preparation or explanation about the event, as well as the support within the family environment.
This is further moderated by the influences of the wider religion and social culture. So, we must take these factors into account.They apply to all your questions so inshaAllah please keep them in mind when managing each situation.
Regarding Eid al Adha, the scene as a whole will/can have a range of associations to the child’s response. Unfortunately, in many cultures the enthusiasm to complete the slaughter ritual may override the correct methodology. It has resulted in much wastage of meat and haraam (wrongful) treatment of animals as well as lack of concern on the impact on the environment, and negative results (all, I believe, prohibited by Islam).
So, this is also what children, who witness the slaughter, will see as part of that ritual. The children will be attuned to what goes on before and after the slaughter, especially if they found it difficult.
Turning specifically to your questions:
Is it appropriate to make children watch the slaughtering of Al Uduheya in ‘Eid ul Adha?
According to Sharia, there is no mention of an obligation to observe the slaughtering. So, the idea of letting children watch the slaughtering would not be seen from the perspective of obligation.
Rather, we could do this in the context of teaching our children the story of Prophet Ibrahim and his son Isamil and the lessons we get from this story mainly surrendering to Allah’s will. So, the point would not be merely observing the scene in itself.
However, we should be aware that emotional and physical maturity is essential to process what is seen by the observer. This is what I would suggest be the criteria to use as a baseline if you feel strongly that a child needs to witness the slaughter.
Would it have negative psychological impacts on them?
There is no direct answer here, except that – as I have mentioned at the start of the reply- factors, such as the level of disturbance, depend on the child’s level of understanding, the preparation made, the child’s personality, past experiences and personal ability to absorb such experiences as well as the wider socio-cultural influences.
So, for example, it is more likely that a non – Muslim child living in a non- Muslim country may be more disturbed since this event may be alien to their personal and family culture and so will be framed more negatively in a wider culture. This would further be affected by attitudes to slaughter of animals in the Islamic manner in those countries.
Remember, different countries expose their children to differing levels of such events. The same reaction is less likely in a Muslim child living in a Muslim country where such an event is common and an ingrained part of culture. So, the response depends on all these factors.
What is the right age for children to watch this?
Again, given that there is no research on this specific topic this is a difficult question. The age at which parents allow their children to watch anything potentially disturbing varies and depends on their knowledge of the child and again external environmental factors.
In many cases what are seemingly disturbing images in one culture are seen as normal in another culture and children manage them very well because they are part of their life experience.
So, the answer is not simple. I think, because of this, it would not be wise to give a specific age. Rather, my suggestion would be to ensure that the ‘observing’ child has a fairly stable/clear view about the world around them and is able to understand the context in which this ritual exists. The context itself is very important and increases the understanding of the importance of the slaughter. Without it, it is simply a slaughter and that gives a very different message.
Of course, to understand the context one would need the child to be familiar with more abstract concepts and able to talk and discuss their experiences at a basic level. This is because there need to be some processing of the experience. (By ‘processing’ I mean discussion and questions and answers about the effect of the experience on the child’s emotions and thinking about their world).
What can parents do to solve this?
If a child is distressed by the slaughter then whatever the age, it is important to talk about it. Research shows that we are wrong to assume very young children, for example under 5, have no concept of disturbing events and can manage; the evidence shows they do not.
However, expression of their concerns is restricted by their age. So, this advice inshaAllah applies to all children. There are bi idh nillah a few simple steps the parents may take:
•Listen to the child – and whatever they say, Do Not say ‘It’s OK, Just don’t talk about it and it will go away.’Use simple language.
Many parents, when trying to explain disturbing situations, are so uncomfortable about it themselves, they use abstract language. The child is left without a clear understanding but the parent feels they have done their job. Give them a chance to express their thoughts. Try and understand as a parent how they have experienced the event. Help them to understand it.
•Address and answer confusions or misunderstandings
The biggest issue will be that the child will probably feel the pain of the animal and this will be heightened if the method was incorrect. Reassure them of the reality.
The child may have recurring images of this event or find they constantly think or talk about it. This may be difficult for the parent to keep hearing but you must bi idh nillah be patient and give a consistent and supportive response inshaAllah.
•Validate their feelings
Say: ‘It’s ok to feel uncomfortable or find it difficult – many adults do’. Children should not be forced to be brave in situations adults find difficult. But also tell them that they will inshaAllah feel better later and the distress will go away.
Perhaps, tell them about your experience and how you managed, as this will inshaAllah help them to realize they are not alone and it is something they can live with.
• Validate their questions
Maybe just by saying ‘that’s a good question’ to help them feel they can talk about it no matter how strange or difficult the question may be. Remember that your reaction at this time will affect their future response to this event and Eid al Adha in general.
•When the child is more comfortable with their feelings inshaAllah put the whole scene into the wider context of the Prophet Abraham (Peace Be Upon Him) and the commemoration of that event from an Islamic point of view.
•Remind them that in the future they have a choice to look at such things. They need not force themselves to do something they find unpleasant– since it is not a fard (obligation) on them. This message is important as otherwise they will feel Eid is about forcing oneself to look at disturbing images and that will give them a negative image of the din (religion). Remind the child that Allah swt wants ease for the creation.
•Do not take weeks or months discussing this and do not spend hours on the same conversation. Be confident and clear and encourage the child to move on but keep your eye on them. Check they are ok as time passes on. InshaAllah they will be fine.
NOTE: If after 4 – 6 months the child remains disturbed (or the problems increase) and the experience is affecting their everyday functioning, then it is important to take the child to see a psychologist for treatment as they may be suffering from deeper psychological problems.
May Allah SWT reward you for this question and may the benefit of it be written as Sadaqah Jariah for you.
Ameen.
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