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Fed Up With Mentally Disabled Child

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Jun 21, 2019

Question

I’m a mother with 3 kids, my youngest son is 3 year old and he was born mentally disabled. Though his older brother are normal, I feel angry because of the child and I feel I started to hate this conditions, I understand this is a test from Allah but please help my how ti cope with this?

Counselor

Answer


In this counseling answer:

•I would kindly suggest getting involved with support groups for parents with children who have disabilities. These groups can provide a wealth of support as you will meet other parents who have gone through the same emotions and feelings you are experiencing right now. •You can learn great coping skills from them, as well as learn how to view your child as a wonderful, unique gift from Allah who can enrich your life immensely.”


As salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear you are having emotional issues related to your son’s mental disability. However, yes he is a gift indeed! Having a child who is challenged or “differently-abled” is an adjustment for most parents, it is often difficult to accept. However if you focus on your son’s good points and abilities, you may begin to see the wonderful creation Allah has made. You may want to make a list of what you do love about him, and what it is that you “hate”.

Insha’Allah, compare the lists and see which is longer. Also, look at your “hate” list and ask yourself, is this grounded in reality? Look inward at your own self, do you in any way feel you are to blame for his condition? Guilt often surfaces as resentment and “hate”.

Often times, parents seek perfection or a “normalcy” in their children and when their children are born and do not fit into this category, often times grief, anger or despair sets in. It almost like the grieving process as you may feel you “lost” something you had or were expecting to have.

I would kindly suggest getting involved with support groups for parents with children who have disabilities. These groups can provide a wealth of support as you will meet other parents who have gone through the same emotions and feelings you are experiencing right now. You can learn great coping skills from them, as well as learn how to view your child as a wonderful, unique gift from Allah who can enrich your life immensely.

Please do ask your child’s pediatrician about these groups and express your ongoing difficulty accepting your son’s disability. In addition to support groups, your doctor may also refer you to counseling to help you adjust.


Check out this counseling video

Lastly, make duaa to Allah regarding this issue that He in His most infinite mercy and love, show you the way towards acceptance and mercy for your son.

We wish you the best.

Salam

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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