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Fed Up With Mentally Disabled Child

14 January, 2022
Q I’m a mother with 3 kids, my youngest son is 3-year-old and he was born mentally disabled. Though his older brothers are normal, I feel angry because of the child and I feel I started to hate these conditions, I understand this is a test from Allah but please help me how to cope with this?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•I would kindly suggest getting involved with support groups for parents with children who have disabilities.

•You can learn great coping skills from them, as well as learn how to view your child as a wonderful, unique gift from Allah who can enrich your life immensely.

•Please do ask your child’s pediatrician about these groups and express your ongoing difficulty accepting your son’s disability.

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•Your doctor may also refer you to counseling to help you adjust.


As salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear you are having emotional issues related to your son’s mental disability. However, yes he is a gift indeed!

Having a child who is challenged or “differently-abled” is an adjustment for most parents, it is often difficult to accept. However, if you focus on your son’s good points and abilities, you may begin to see the wonderful creation Allah has made.

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You may want to make a list of what you do love about him, and what it is that you “hate”.

Fed Up With Mentally Disabled Child - About Islam

Insha’Allah, compare the lists and see which is longer. Also, look at your “hate” list and ask yourself, is this grounded in reality?

Look inward at your own self, do you in any way feel you are to blame for his condition? Guilt often surfaces as resentment and “hate”.

Often times, parents seek perfection or a “normalcy” in their children and when their children are born and do not fit into this category, often times grief, anger or despair sets in.

It almost like the grieving process as you may feel you “lost” something you had or were expecting to have.

I would kindly suggest getting involved with support groups for parents with children who have disabilities. These groups can provide a wealth of support as you will meet other parents who have gone through the same emotions and feelings you are experiencing right now.

You can learn great coping skills from them, as well as learn how to view your child as a wonderful, unique gift from Allah who can enrich your life immensely.

Please do ask your child’s pediatrician about these groups and express your ongoing difficulty accepting your son’s disability. In addition to support groups, your doctor may also refer you to counseling to help you adjust.


Check out this counseling video

Lastly, make duaa to Allah regarding this issue that He in His most infinite mercy and love, show you the way towards acceptance and mercy for your son.

We wish you the best.

Salam

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.