Leaving Children with Non-Muslim In-Laws while Going to Hajj
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Leaving Children with Non-Muslim In-Laws while Going to Hajj

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Jul 18, 2019

Question

As-salamu Alaikum counselor, I’m mother of two. I reverted to Islam 5 years ago, and this year I’m going to perform hajj inshallah. I left my two sons with my non-Musim in-laws but I’m terribly worried that my sons could learn some unislamic behavior or practices when I’m away, What’s your advice for me?

Counselor

Answer


non-Musim in-laws

In this counseling answer:

•You can make a visit with your Non-Muslim in-laws a little more relaxing for you by talking with them about Islamic behaviors and etiquette while your kids are there

•By re-enforcing Islamic behaviors and practices while you are away, you are planting little seeds of remembrances in their hearts. They can use these words from you as guidance should unIslamic behaviors or practices occur.

•You may want to talk with them about your sons staying with them by first thanking them and expressing gratitude to them for keeping your children as they are enabling you to make hajj.

•Speak to them as if they are already keeping unIslamic practices and behaviors away from your sons and how much you appreciate it and they may be more responsive.


As-salamu alaykum sister,

Mash’Allah that is very wonderful you will be making Hajj, may Allah accept your hajj. During this most significant event in your life, the last thing you want to worry about is the well-being of your children. While it is a ntural response of most parents, it should not interfere with your hajj.

While you did not mention whether or not your sons have spent time with your in-laws before, or how old they are, you can insha’Allah make their visit with them a little more relaxing for you by talking with them about Islamic behaviors and etiquette while they are there.

Leaving Children with Non-Muslim In-Laws while Going to Hajj - About Islam

By re-enforcing Islamic behaviors and practices while you are away, you are planting little seeds of remembrances in their hearts. They can use these words from you as guidance should unIslamic behaviors or practices occur. Additionally, if you are close to your in-laws, insha’Allah you may want to talk with them about your sons staying with them by first thanking them and expressing gratitude to them for keeping your children as they are enabling you to make hajj.

Non-Muslim In-Laws

Insha’Allah, in a very kind way -and not in a demanding way, explain to them how you are raising your sons, and that you appreciate their respecting your wishes regarding this. Speak to them as if they are already keeping unIslamic practices and behaviors away from your sons and how much you appreciate it and they may be more responsive.

While we always want our children in Islamic environments, sometimes though this cannot always be the case. Therefore, we must prepare our children to be aware of haram practices around them and teach them to remain firm on the foundation of Islam. When non-Muslim family is involved, it can be more complicated as they are family.

Sensitivity and tolerance should be utilized with family as they are not Muslim and may not fully understand our way of life. This is, however, a fine way to show them how Muslims are loving, balanced and understanding, while at the same time devoted to Islamic principles. As you may be the only Muslim your in-laws know, how you treat them will leave a lasting impression.


Check out this counseling video

As your sons will be with them for a relatively short time and I am sure insha’Allah you have taught them well, I feel you should put your worrying aside and focus on hajj.

Make dua to Allah for your sons’ protection while you are away and talk to your sons upon your return about their visit with their grandparents in order to discuss and correct any wrong they may have seen or heard while you were gone. Keeping communication open and non-accusatory will help immensely with both your in-laws and with your sons before and when you get back home.

I am sure they will be fine insha’Allah sister, I send you many wishes for a most blessed hajj.

Salam

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Read more:

How to Explain Hajj to My Students?

Prepare Your Kids Mentally for Hajj

Wearing Hijab in Defiance of My Family




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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