What’s The Role of The Father in Parenting?

11 July, 2019
Q My question is: what's the role of the father in hands parenting? Should he be helping with baby duties like giving him a bath or putting him to sleep or it's only the mother's responsibility?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•I will not suggest which roles either parent should play based upon gender or role. It may be easier for the mother to give the nightly care due to scheduling.

•In another household, it is better suited for the father to do so. A father may be better at providing a type of care most mothers would do and vice versa. I suggest using a method that highlights what each of you does best!

•A child deserves to have the best each parent has to offer.

•Begin with having conversations with your husband to learn what he’s willing to do to allow the child to develop properly.


Salam ‘Aleikom,

Sadly, many mothers report feeling married and single due to the lack of help with parental duties from the father.

I will not suggest which roles either parent should play based upon gender or role. It may be easier for the mother to give the nightly care due to scheduling. In another household, it is better suited for the father to do so. A father may be better at providing a type of care most mothers would do and vice versa. I suggest using a method that highlights what each of you does best!

What's The Role of The Father in Parenting? - About Islam

Research affirms that children with an active father are better able to regulate emotions, more confident, and are more socially active than others. This shows the active presence of the father in the day-to-day care of a child is crucial.

Ask your husband his idea of what he could contribute as a father. He may have ideas! Some fathers are very reluctant around small children. I don’t know the age of your child, but this could also contribute to his hesitation. In addition, what do you know about his family upbringing? What role did his father play in his life? What has he seen men do with children?


Check out this counseling answer:


Now, his family history does not let him off the hook regarding his own parenting! However, it may give insight into his frame of reference. All of us bring the history of our family of origin into a marriage. Find out what his frame of reference is from his childhood. Then, identify what he’s willing to do to impact your family unit at home! You may be surprised at what the two of you come up with.

Many men become more engaged as children get older and can play sports, ride a bike or do things that man may prefer to do. It won’t feel fair to you right now, but at least you’d have an idea of his thought process! A toddler is cute and fun, but require safety limits, breaks and hygiene care many men aren’t always aware of. Again, not all fathers are this way!

Thousands of fathers happily change diapers through the night! And others are waiting to teach their son or daughter to ride a bike!

A child deserves to have the best each parent has to offer. InshaAllah. Begin with having conversations with your husband to learn what he’s willing to do to allow the child to develop properly.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more: 

What’s Wrong With Stay-at-Home Fathers?

Father Has No Role at Home

Yearning for a Proper Father-Son Relationship

About Naaila Moumaris-Clay
Naa'ila Clay, the wife of the husband-wife counseling duo "That Clay Couple", holds firm to the belief that Islam, clinical interventions, old-fashioned wit & wisdom will get the relief for your head & your heart in relationships. Mrs. Clay has a slew of training, certifications, created marriage & premarital courses, co-authored 2 e-books and has an M.S. in Mental Health Counseling.
You can contact her: www.hasanandnaaila.com or www.facebook.com/thatclaycouple.