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My 9-Year-Old Son Is Chaotic: How to Help Him?

Questioner

D (37_male_Canada)

Reply Date

Aug 23, 2019

Question

My son is unorganized and ignores cleaning up after himself. He forgets to write his homework or put the completed homework in his bag. This unorganized behavior has started to affect his school grades. He is very intelligent, but his grades are B -. How can we help him to be more organized?

Counselor

Answer


My 9-Year-Old Son Is Chaotic: How to Help Him? - About Islam

In this counseling answer:

•Create a calendar with typical activities that he should do on a timely basis such as prayer, homework and daily hygiene activities (brushing teeth, etc.

•Tidy up room after playing… etc. Then help him tick these activities when he finishes them. If he does not tidy up something or he does not put it in its designated place, then hide it from him and tell him that he had to put it right if he want to find it.

•Don’t put him down if he fails to do something; always encourage him and push him to succeed.

•Treat him like a man as this will get him to be more responsible.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum,

Jazakum Allahu khayran for entrusting us with your problem. We ask Allah (SWT) for guidance to his straight path. Firstly, I would like to state that your son’s condition is common amongst his age group. Children normally forget things and are not that organized from an early age.

That does not mean we can’t help them organize themselves. As a matter of fact, when I read your message, I remembered my son as he was in the same situation. In the course of answering your question, I will start with analyzing what could be the root cause of this disorganization issue.

My 9-Year-Old Son Is Chaotic: How to Help Him? - About Islam

This problem is generally stemmed from the children lacking appropriate physical development and therefore not being able or not quite sure how to appropriately carry out basic physical movements. In the pre-school stage, there are many areas of development, and naturally if your son is excelling in non-physical areas such as intellectual activities (for instance computing), then he might have been encouraged to spend the majority of his time on other areas, but not the physical development activities.


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Typically, he needed to have spent more time to learn how to handle tools, handy skills, and how to tidy up after himself. Also, the problem could come from home as parents sometimes do more than they should for children leaving the child a bit lost when they come to perform their own tasks. They become a little unsure on what to do and how to organize themselves. To start tackling this problem, your son must be pushed to organize himself. Here are some tips and practical things you can do:

1-Create a calendar with typical activities that he should do on a timely basis such as:

* Prayer

* Home work

* Daily hygiene activities (brushing teeth, etc.)

* Tidy up room after playing… etc. Then help him tick these activities when he finishes them. If he does not tidy up something or he does not put it in its designated place, then hide it from him and tell him that he had to put it right if he want to find it.

2, Don’t put him down if he fails to do something; always encourage him and push him to succeed.

3, Treat him like a man as this will get him to be more responsible. He has to understand that you have the upper hand and authority, but he had been given some decision making freedom and therefore responsibility.

4, Don’t bring him new toys until he shows respect and organization to his existing ones.

5, Get him to subscribe in a physical sport where he further develops his coordination, muscles and movements such as football, swimming, judo, etc.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




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