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Sunni Convert From Shiism Needs Fast Help

01 October, 2018
Q Asalam alaikum, I have converted from Shia to Sunni my whole family are Shia but I have always tried to conceal my conversion from them because I fear they may force me to change my way or even get me married to a Shia guy. I have over 6 brothers they’re all older then me besides 1. It’s been 4-5 years now that I changed my ways to the Quran and Sunnah, but I don’t think I can keep it going secretly like this, I'm afraid of getting affected by all the haram going on in my family and culture, but I just don’t know what step to take if I should talk to my family about my change of ways or if i should do something else I’m so lost I just don’t know what to do? So could you please advise me on what you think is the best step to take?

Answer

Short Answer: I would suggest, sister, that you proceed with much caution, and not tell your immediate family members about your conversion to the Sunni belief of Islam just yet. This is because it is possible (like you said) that they might immediately force you into marriage with a Shia man, as a knee-jerk reaction of exerting instant “damage control” to bring you back into their fray. Instead, please try to wait until a more suitable time when you are older, more established in life, and able to stand on your own two feet, lest something drastic were to happen. That is, either until you are educated up to graduation level, or at least working at your first job and settled at it.

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Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.

Congratulations, sister, on finding the right path of guidance i.e. acting upon the Quran and Sunnah, at such a young age in life!

Indeed, you are truly blessed to be chosen by Allah and saved from misguidance at such an early age. However, the path that lies ahead of you might be a tough one, requiring much patience and spiritual strength on your part. Which I hope and pray that you will be able to acquire with the help of Allah.

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First step: To tell or not to tell 

Sister, the fact that you live in the West, is something that is going in your favor. Young adults can avail the benefits of secure, independent living once they traverse their teens. Please be warned, however, that I am not advising you to leave your home. Nor to cut off relations with your family members.
Indeed, your parents have great rights upon you in Islam. Nevertheless, if they compel you to walk upon the path of misguidance, especially one that involves shirk. Then Allah has not just allowed, but obligated it upon you to disobey them with polite respect.

Having 5 older brothers is also something that can cause some problems for you. Older brothers are often afforded much dominating behavior and authority over their younger sisters, in most cultural Muslim households where knowledge of Islam is lacking.

Wait until the time is right

I would suggest, sister, that you proceed with much caution, and not tell your immediate family members about your conversion to the Sunni belief of Islam just yet. This is because it is possible (like you said) that they might immediately force you into marriage with a Shia man. As a knee-jerk reaction of exerting instant “damage control” to bring you back into their fray.

Instead, please try to wait until a more suitable time when you are older, more established in life, and able to stand on your own two feet, lest something drastic were to happen. That is, either until you are educated up to graduation level, or at least working at your first job and settled at it.

Please keep praying supererogatory prayers to Allah every day, asking Him for help, throughout this time. It is possible that your family members will begin to notice that you have changed, if they haven’t already, as time goes on.

The future will open up new avenues & vistas of hope

After a few years, you can consider telling just your mother about your conversion at first, in private, and see how she reacts. Then, if and when the time is right, you both can decide whether to inform your father about it, or not.

Please remember, sister, that with time and age, any human being (male or female) becomes more mature and independent of their family members. Especially in Western societies. So, never give up hope in Allah’s help. Right now, it might seem impossible that you will ever be able to escape the impositions of your family members. But that will not always be the case.

When a young believer sincerely relies upon Allah and remains patient in treading the path of truth. Allah helps them in ways that they cannot imagine. Bring to mind how Prophet Joseph was thrown into a well by his half-brothers as a teenager. And how the 7 young sleepers mentioned in Surah Al-Kahf, hid in a cave in order to safeguard their faith!

Allah helped them all, when everyone else had forfeited them! So never despair.

Conclusion: Explore your options & keep a strong connection with Allah

Your parents and brothers do not have the right to force you to convert back to their Shia beliefs, no matter what happens. They also do not have the right to force you to marry someone whom you do not want to marry.

Nevertheless, it is commonly noted among many cultural Muslim families. The fact that they can be very oppressive (even murderous) towards their daughters/sisters who refuse to marry according to their wishes.

Hence, plan a contingency scenario from now on. That is, regarding how/where you will live and support yourself, just in case circumstances take a dire turn.

Explore what opportunities the government offers to young, single women in your country, to live independently. Contact your nearest masjid and see if there is any helpline or service for Muslim girls in your position.

Throughout, keep praying to Allah for help. Ask Him to decree a bright future life for you, in which you will be able to do both. That is, act upon Islam, as well as maintain a respectful relationship with your biological family members.

I ask Allah to grant you high ranks and steadfastness upon your faith, sister.

I hope that this answers your question.

Salam. Please stay in touch.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

My Family Isn’t Religious: How Should I Pray, Learn Quran?

 

Sunni, Shiite, or Wahhabi: What’s the Deal?

What Really Happened in Karbala?